Saturday, January 17, 2015


So here are my thoughts…..

I HATE Yaya DaCosta, and I mean WITH. A. PASSION. But I have to admit there were moments that she was really giving me Whitney. I mean, she really did the research, watching footage, studied Whitney, all that, because I SAW Whitney at times. What threw me most was her voice. It was too high-pitched and prevented me from really buying in. But I have to give credit where credit is due and Yaya definitely gave me more than I expected from her, all things considered. I can’t front, that “I will always love you” performance scene at the end kinda got me…. But I might have just been at the funeral all over again.

Bobby, on the other hand….. um….. LOL. There was nothing about this nobody they casted that gave me Bobby Brown. NOTHING. He wasn’t a bad actor. He just wasn’t BOBBY.

Now the music…… I love Deborah Cox. LOVE Deborah Cox. And even though there are some aspects of her voice that are reminiscent of Whitney’s, its not nearly close enough that her renditions of Whitney’s songs make me feel close. What’s disappointing is that there are so many Youtube stars who do. I heard a couple Whitney tributes on Youtube that if I weren’t looking at the screen, I would have thought WERE Whitney. Why not pay some nobody who actually sounds like her to do the tracks?

Wesley Jonathan as Babyface? Really tho? Son, LOL. SMH. But Clive Davis was 100% CLIVE DAVIS.

I found it interesting that Angela Bassett chose to put Whitney’s drug use on front so early. She made a clear assertion that Whitney was doing the shit before Bobby, which is something I always suspected. Not that its facts just because its in this movie, but I think it was always just more comfortable for people to believe that America’s princess got dragged into that lifestyle by this bad boy, ruffneck dude from Boston who nobody thought she should have ever been with.

To be honest, I felt like this movie was more about Bobby than it was about Whitney. I don’t feel the movie did her life justice at all and I wasn’t shocked that this was the case. VH-1 and Lifetime suck at biopics, mainly because they don’t want to spend the money to do them justice. The stories they choose to tell simply can’t adequately be told in 2 hours. They can’t. There was SO much left untold and unexplored that we as the public know about, it just felt empty. The most key moments in the public space of Whitney Houston were necessary to tie it all together and they just weren’t there. There were moments – including Bobby’s proposal, as told from his own mouth in the interview afterwards, and the murder of his friend – that were not even close to how they actually occurred that really annoyed me. I wanted to give Angela Bassett credit, as a friend who probably had really intimate conversations with Whitney, trying to tell the story that was untold or misinterpreted, but when you know the story and you see it not playing out the way it went….. I’m just disappointed. But I expected to be. It was way too soon for this and VH-1 or Lifetime was not the vehicle by which it should have come. Period.

So with that, I am going to digress on any further commentary. As an idol of mine, Whitney, I feel, deserved better representation. And I don’t mean in terms of making her look good, because we all know her life was just a mess after a certain point. I mean in terms of telling her story. Remember her right, you know what I’m saying? I’m sorry. I’m salty.

Friday, January 16, 2015

I quit! Wait.....what? LOL

Son. I don't know why the Lord be playing games with me but I really feel like He be up in Heaven just thinking of ways to fuck with me and be cracking Himself up doing it. He knows good and daggone well I was planning to quit my job. How I end up with a promotion and a 33% raise? LOL

Well I'll tell you how.

A couple of days ago I was presented with the possibility of being promoted (replacing someone else who quit, funny enough) and during the course of this conversation a few things became clear.... First, our CMO would have to approve it. Understand that I kinda cant stand our CMO and in my mind, I'm thinking she probably aint all that fond of me either (I'm vocal. She's an idiot. Do the math.) Second, she has the choice to either veto my boss's recommendation and put someone else in the role (although I'm by far the most suited for it of her choices) or she could eliminate the role and divvy up the projects amongst the other managers. This is the less desirable option for a number of reasons but given the state of affairs, could very well happen, also for a number of reasons. Boils down to putting someone in the role would be the best decision for the business AND I'm the best person for it. That said and some other BS factoring in, I made (and voiced to my boss) the decision that if this was not the direction she chose to go in, I felt I would have no choice but to resign. I knew he wasn't going to tell our CMO that, but I was stressed the hell out last night because I just KNEW she was gonna pull some sucka shit and I'd have to give my notice. It didn't help that the meeting about it, which was supposed to take place first thing this morning, didn't actually happen until just before lunch time. In my mind... yeah. It's about to be some bullshit LOL. It was in the sense that she didn't woman up and make the offer to me herself, as per proper protocol, but she "authorized" my boss to do it. He was more than happy to do it and I was more than happy to be sitting down with him as opposed to her, so at the end of the day, I got my promotion, I got my raise, and I got Monday off despite the fact that the company refused to acknowledge it as a "closed for business" holiday. Fuck that, I'M closed for business.

So I made God laugh again, telling Him my plans, but I don't think this happened so I could stay with my company. I think I'm still supposed to leave (and I still plan to) but now I'm in a position to leave for something higher paying and on a higher level and I can be a lot more comfortable in the meantime. See, I don't always know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it, but God does. And even while He's sitting up there laughing at my lack of vision, He always points at the end result and goes "See what I did there?" LOL

Me: I do. Good lookin out. *pound*

Wednesday, January 14, 2015


This here is my personal philosophy so imagine my delight when it was the first thing I saw, in bold ass letters, in an entire essay somebody wrote about fucks not given. I LOVED it! LOL I'm SO buying that guy a drink if I ever meet him. For real though - I am of the general opinion that a failure to grasp and master this concept is the reason people can't find their happy. You just cant let yourself give a fuck all the time. Giving a fuck attaches you to shit and attaching yourself to shit means putting skin in the game. Now you're tied to the outcome of a situation that never needed to impact your life in any way save that you chose to give a fuck. Same way you pick your battles, pick your fucks. If that shit aint gonna matter in 6 months, dont let it matter today. There's plenty of things you HAVE to give a fuck about so why add unnecessary shit to the list? The sooner you get a grip on what actually matters in your life and become #unbothered by the shit that dont, the happier you'll be.

Slowly but surely, 2015 is turning into an exercise in fucks not given. It hasn't even been a conscience effort; when the situation calls for it, I just instinctively do not give a fuck LOL. I think maybe the older people get, the easier it is to know when something or someone is simply not worth giving time or energy to. I'm human so something might get me in the moment like "No this muthafucka didn't...." but in pretty short order, that shit becomes so irrelevant. It really is quite freeing, actually. Yall should try it LOL.

Sunday, January 11, 2015


Definitely been a long ass week. My long-time sidekick at the job found another gig before I did (cause I totally dropped the ball - get this - actually RELAXING during my 2-week vacation) and Friday was her last day. I always knew it would be a bittersweet day when we finally parted ways but I had no idea it would be as emotional as it was. I organized a happy hour in her honor (shit, we were going drinking regardless so if yall wanna come, the more the merrier lol) at the end of which there was about a 19-minute too long 20-minute period of hugging and crying and "its so hards" that I do not need in my fucken life LOL. I am HORRIBLE at goodbyes but it really wasn't one. We're kickboxing buddies and we've vowed to continue going and to maintain some sort of routine drinking schedule. These things tend to fade over time but I think we'll both make a legitimate effort..... at least for the first 6 months lol. I'd honestly be surprised if my little California compadre isn't headed back west in a year. Her biological clock is ticking and she cant see herself making any permanent moves this far away from her family. Whatever the strategy, I wish her well. This one's for you, girl. *sip*

I've got a couple things on tap, oddly enough, both with the same company. I had another thing going until the email I received confirming my interview happened to mentioned a starting salary of $36,000 and an aggregate expectation of about $55K. Huh? Oh no, boo boo, you got me fucked ALL the way up lol. I politely emailed the lady back stating that there must have been some miscommunication in our initial correspondence. See, I aint just graduate college. I'm not just starting out in my career. I was making $36,000 as a base like 13 years ago lol. Fuck I look like? But the other things look promising, so we will see what happens there and I'll keep looking for other suitable possibilities as well. I'm moving a little slower than I might normally be because I don't just want an interim gig. I want to make a move I can live with for the long term. That shit is a lot more complicated than just finding a job. I wont front though - a lotta days I'm ready to go be on fries just to get out that bitch. But nah, son. Nah. I'll be patient and bide my time. The right thing will come through and I believe it will be soon. Or it might be these damn Liam Neeson movies I been watching just making me feel like I got a particular set of skills.......... LOL.

Go to bed.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Happy New Year

I know I'm late, shut up. I'm out here getting my life together, dammit LOL.

Hi!!!! Been an interesting year so far, this 2015. I'm feeling amazing for no reason at all and I kinda like that. Who needs a reason? I turned 39 a few days ago and I think I'm on the path to sewing up these 30's in an awesome kinda way. No idea what's on the horizon but if the last week of my life has been any indication of things to come, I am ALLLLLLLLL about it! LOL

The office was still a mess after the renovations they did during the company shut down period so I ended up with an extra day off while the cleaning crew goes in and puts the place back together. I'll take it. I definitely dropped the ball on looking for another gig during my break but I haven't abandoned the mission. Now that I've put some other pressing matters to bed, I can focus squarely on that over the next few weeks and hopefully be outta open-floor-plan hell before the first rain of spring.

Had a heart to heart with my son the other day and I think he is finally starting to understand that he is too close to real world living to be playing around. 18 months is not a long time and he's gotta get his shit together. I appreciate the fact that he brought the conversation to me, rather than me taking it to him. I think it shows an honest desire to be better on his part and that's all I wanted. Now let's see if he can deliver on it.

Welp.... just wanted to drop in and update the world on my existence LOL. Looking forward to getting back into a steady flow and sculpting this year to my own specifications. No resolutions. No empty affirmations. Just doing me. MY way. With no regrets.

I'll holla.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


It really annoys me when people just HAVE to be right, especially when the detail they're trying to be right about has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation you're having. That's like..... us discussing the Eric Garner situation and you going out your way to google the footage because I said he was wearing a blue shirt when you know for a fact it was black. Like.... really? Were you really gonna lose sleep over that shit? I reaaaaaaaaaaally hate that. Really do.

ANYWAYZ...... *rolling my eyes* LOL

Hi! Dang, last time I posted was October 31? That's like 6 weeks! My bad. I've been a little busy though. Well..... maybe "busy" isn't the right word. PREOCCUPIED. Yeah. I've been preoccupied. Mostly positive things but with the good, always comes some bad. I'm dealing though and very much looking forward to whatever lies on the other side of midnight, a couple Thursdays from now, as I hope all of you are. Yall know its a new year for me in the literal sense, being that it's also my birthday. Can you believe it? I'll be 39 - YIKES! I'd rather just skip to 40. I don't know why. 39 is just a dumb number LOL. But as usual, I'll be grateful to see it - God willing.

I have a lot to do over my holiday break but I am SO looking forward to it. What I'm not looking forward to is this company Christmas Party. If it wasn't mandatory, I wouldn't even go to that shit. Well they can require me to show up but dammit, they can't make me stay LOL. Actually, it probably won't be too bad. Open bar and the handful of coworkers I can stomach should be enough to get me through at least 2 hours. If it's not, well, I'll probably be right in here telling yall why it wasn't LOL.

But we'll see what happens. In the meantime, thanks for sticking around through the silence. One day, I hope to make you all glad you did.

Friday, October 31, 2014

The Conundrum of Parenthood

Today started out great but it sure isn't ending up that way.

Had an interview this morning. Killed it. Came home to find my son STRAIGHT CHILLIN in his drawz. WTF??? I was in such shock I couldn't even move - lucky for him. I do remember telling him he had 3 minutes to get his clothes on and get his ass to school and he was outta here in 2. I managed to get myself together enough not to let it bother me for the rest of the day and I wondered if he would be smart enough to stay out til curfew. I mean CLEARLY he was gonna be on punishment. That's a given, right?

This boy strolls up around 5:30, two girls in tow and his best friend at the door. He tells me he needs to get something for him. Fine, get it... but you know you not going with them, right? All hell breaks loose. He wants to negotiate if he gets to go out tonight, because its Halloween, he will be on punishment for the next 2 weeks. Oh, silly, misguided child LOL. This is not up for discussion. He had the nerve to say "I could just leave," as in what am I really gonna do if he did. "How long would I be on punishment for?" I'm sure there is no caption for the look I gave him other than (in my Wyclef voice) "Someone please call 911."

At that point I texted his father because in 3,2,1, he was gonna need to come get what would be left of this little muthafucka. He called and spoke to him, made him apologize and all has been quiet, aside from a few groans, ever since. Here is my problem with that:

I love my kids father... with a grain of salt LOL.... but why does it take for him to call and threaten you for you to act like you got some gotdamn sense? Why am I the parent you live with, who supplies ALL of your day to day needs, gets you where you need to go, answers your random ass questions and makes all the sacrifices and you don't feel an obligation to be just as obedient in a heated moment because I can keep composed and not knock your fucken teeth down your throat? Is that really what it comes down to? I mean don't get me wrong, I aint got no problem fucking a 16 year old boy up. HOWEVER I am of the mindset that it should not be necessary. I'm wired to think past the moment to the repercussions and I know there is no scenario in which that would end well, so as much as it is a full body and soul struggle, I maintain my composure.

It is rare that I find myself in this situation. My kids are both generally respectful and obedient as anyone who knows them would tell you. That being said, my son is 16 and we are all well aware that kids at that age will try their parents. Every now and then he gets to feeling himself and every once in a rare while he loses his gotdamn mind. This is the second time as I recall.

A third will end differently.