Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Secret

"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the ocean."

–Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Sunday, April 26, 2015


Between stress, fatigue, travel and all the other bullshit we shall herein refer to as "work-related" I don't really get out much these days. So it was really nice to get out and about this weekend and even better to be doing it with my best friends. Outside of the occasional Red Lobster apps and drinks we try to do when I go back upstate to visit, I cant remember the last time the four of us were all together at the same time. Even better, after a little roaming around NYC during the day, we spent last night rocking out at a Michael Jackson vs. Prince party, which, if you know us, you know is some epic shit. One of the best parts about it was watching one of my friends dance the whole entire night when I cant even remember the last time she really danced at all. It made me warm inside to see her enjoying herself after and despite so much she's had to endure over the past few years. It just goes to show that you, her, him, anybody can choose to be happy and live life.

It's unfortunate that the girls cant always be a part of it, but this weekend has motivated me to put some real effort into getting out and doing things. Of course, I need to manage the "work-related" shit so I don't need to spend my weekends recuperating from the bullshit, but I live in (well, on the outskirts of) the most interesting city on earth and I should take advantage of all it has to offer.

My challenge: to get out and do something noteworthy at least once a month. Not sure if it will be the first thing, but I gotta throw "Wicked" on that list of things to do. I've been wanting to see it for quite some time now and why should I wait to have someone to go with? If I wanna see it, I should. And I'm going to. Simple as that.

Now if I can only find a ticket that's not $9,000 lol. Gotta love NYC.

Monday, April 13, 2015

"Still single"

"What is a beautiful, intelligent woman like yourself doing still single?"

STILL single? Sigh.

FIRST of all, I really want people to stop asking this question this way like it's supposed to be some kind of compliment. Contrary to what you THINK you are saying, the message you're actually conveying is that there is something wrong with this situation. It assumes that every woman has to be out here pounding the pavement, looking high and low for a man to be with and given a particular set of apparent qualities, if they aren't with someone, there must be something wrong with them. And this is presuming you even know for a fact that said women ISN'T with someone - just because you don't know her business doesn't mean she doesn't have any.

Secondly, relationships don't validate anybody. Where is it written that anyone - woman OR man - has even got to WANT to be in one? That's not to say that everybody doesn't wanna be loved or be IN love or whatever the fuck (lol) but bitches got jobs and kids and shit to do. Aint nobody got time to be out here with a flashlight in the daytime trying to find no man. For a great many of us, a relationship is something that just happens, if and when it happens and oftentimes, it's with great compromise. Many of us have enough penis PH in our lives to be good without having a stamp on one. For many of us, the idea of being able to date who we want, when we want is more appealing than the prospect of having to respond to that annoying ass "where you at, I called you twice" text in the middle of Being Mary Jane..... okay, maybe that's the wrong show to reference for the purpose of this conversation LMAO! But my point still stands.

Bottom line is while I do believe that people inherently want to be with someone, not all of us are pressed to do so at the expense of our actual priorities. Some of us also understand the value of being selective and not getting with just any man that wants to get with us. Like.... what the fuck is wrong with you that you don't get my squint?

That said, there is nothing wrong with the inquiry, the problem is in the posing of the question. Ask me about my last relationship; the story will probably end with the answer you're looking for as to why I'm currently single - assuming I am (shade, right? lol) There's a hundred ways to get what you need here without subconsciously insinuating that I must be broken if I possess all these great qualities and am "still single".

Guess it couldn't possibly be because that's happens to be how I like it right now, huh... assuming I am lol. Huh?

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Get over yourself

Question: Its the one thing I can't live without and only YOU can give it to me.

Answer: Not a gotdamn thing.

Get over yourself.

Monday, February 16, 2015

That Moment When....

....you find out your kid is fuckin.

Now I'm no dummy, I had an inkling that he might be. When I was coming up, most kids were having sex by their junior year of high school and kids today are a lot faster than most of us were. But the day your suspicions are confirmed, it's almost like the thought never entered your mind before the moment all doubt has been removed.

I like my son's girlfriend - she's cute and sweet and quiet..... yeah, I know. Anyway, I can tell she is as good a girl as they seem to get these days. I can tell she has that "mama" fear when I'm around - she won't even look me in the face most of the time, only speaks when spoken to, that kinda thing. She came over to hang out with him today, which is cool. They were in the living room, watching movies most of the time.

At some point I get up to start cooking and his room is right off the kitchen. I see they're in there. Not my preference, but the door is open and he's just showing her something. I do my initial food prep and go back to my room to answer my phone. As I hang up, I hear a door close - softly. I take my time strolling down the hall, back toward the kitchen, and though I shoulda kicked the bitch open, I gave the door a double tap before opening it, trying to spare myself the aneurism. The door hits him in the back, cause he's leaned up against it, and he kinda rolls around it to intercept me, like "yes, mom?" Don't fucken "yes, mom" me - as he rolls around, I see him adjust the waistband on his sweats and shorty spun off to the other side of the room, putting her back to me and APPEARING to be wiping her mouth. Sure, kisses get sloppy, but I didn't get the feeling that's what was happening. I was sort of dumbstruck in the moment, didn't really know what I was gonna do if the feeling came back into my arms and legs, so I'm glad I was paralyzed and could only manage the words, "I will kill you." He gave me the nervous, lord-dont-let-her-throat-punch-me-but-let-me-front-like-I-got-this-in-front-of-my-girl laugh and I shot him the "mama" I-will-fuck-you-all-the-way-up look and told them to bring they asses up outta there. She couldn't move fast enough and I knew she wanted to crawl up under the floorboards and die. They returned to the couch as I went back to cooking, contemplating the little talk he and I were DEFINITELY going to be having later.

I'm SUPER annoyed going back to my room, like.... I straight wanna punch him in the face. But I keep it cute, not so much because I don't want to embarrass him, but because I don't want to embarrass her. I'm in my room about an hour before I'm back in the kitchen to check on the roast and now he's tonguing her down on the couch. He sees me coming and pauses, giving me this dumb as look, which was met with a death stare of my own, but he clearly didn't get the message, because when I snuck a peak a few moments later, he was back at it. Now I'm fuming but I still don't want to set it off. I hold my mule. I finish dinner, girlfriend joins us and shortly thereafter, he goes to walk her to the bus. Very luckily for him, I've had time to calm myself and actually choose more productive words than those I was originally going to have for him, and when I called him into my room, I felt good about him not being carried back out on a gurney.

I kept it short and sweet, telling him although I expect his behavior outside of my presence to be representative of me, WHATEVER he might be doing out there, when he's in MY house, he is going to be respectful of my presence. That's not his room, its my room that I allow him use of while I am feeding and clothing him for the next year and a half of his life. I told him that I hope the kissing and cuddling is all he's doing but should that not be the case, I hope he is being responsible. He goes, "VERY responsible."

Enter cardiac arrest. I continue.

... and that because I do know other things could potentially be happening, if he needed me to provide him with means to be responsible.... "I'm good, mom. I got it."

*clears throat*

Okay. Get out.

For all those out there wondering, it doesn't feel better knowing. But I do appreciate the fact that he, in so many words, told me. I don't all the way know what I'm supposed to do now, or feel now, or.... drink now lol. Yeah, I definitely need a drink NOW.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Hollywood Game Night Interview

So... I SMASHED the Skype joint. That said, I hated it LOL!

They prep you so much in advance and between questions to be animated and energetic that I felt like I was on crack. Now I get why those spots are always so corny - they make you feel like you have to be super over the top to get the gig. The lady loved me, there was no doubt about that. She kept telling me how cute I was. I still don't know if I'm in there though. It looks good - she told me to send her a bunch more pictures of me and the kids and game nights and get-togethers at the house so I'm assuming I've got a pretty good shot. Guess I'll know pretty soon because the first day of taping for the season is going to be March 10th. I'll have to keep yall posted but if I do get on the show, I don't wanna hear NOTHING about damn corny my intro is. And I totally told them the story about how I got promoted the day I was going to quit so I might need that $25,000 after they fire my ass LOL.


Stay tuned.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Heyyyyyy, Ms. Maura

Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder, I get a call from Burbank. I don't recognize the number so I don't answer it. Seconds later I have a voice mail and I'm curious so I check it right away. It's some lady named Maura who says she's calling about my application to be on Hollywood Game Night.... I saw that. Don't judge me LOL

I completely forgot I ever registered for consideration - it was back in like May - and I certainly had no real expectation of anybody calling me about it. But lo and behold, here's Maura. So I called her back and she asked me to tell her a little bit about myself. Of course, I have no idea what to say, but I rattle off a handful of stats and add how much my son and I love the show. She's super sweet and all kinds of California perky so when she said we were going to play a couple of games and then do a pop quiz, I was all about it.

The game we played was "How do they doo it" (or something to that effect lol) and it calls for me to "sing" a song using "doo's" instead of the lyrics. I never felt so ridiculous in all my life but it really was kind of fun. Then she gave me a pop quiz consisting of probably 30 pop culture questions, the majority of which I got right. She said she was passing me through to the next round of consideration which would be a Skype interview with a couple of the show's producers and a replay of the game we played and another pop quiz. She gave me homework so I could be as prepared as possible and at that point, I went into the kitchen and put the phone on speaker so my son could hear. He lost his whole entire shit, LMAOOOO! Now he's gonna be quizzing me all damn night...smh

So I don't know how this is all gonna turn out, but tell me WHO but me would this happen to? LOL If nothing else I will have a blast making a gotdamn fool of myself tomorrow night even if I don't make the cut. I absolutely do love the show so it would all be worth it, no matter the outcome. But just think..... what if they do select me? That would be soooooooo DOPE! LOL Consider this an exclusive though because I'm not telling anybody else about this unless I get the gig - Whaaaaaaat? LOL

Anyway, I'll let ya know.