Got some news today that kinda threw me for a loop. Someone I have grown to really care about decided to marry someone I dont particularly care for. Nothing I can do about it but drink, so that is exactly what I did. Good luck to the newlyweds.... *heave* ......Really though, if that person makes the other person happy then whatever. Do your thing. Life is short and aint no sense in being miserable unnecessarily. Salud.
Ran into somebody I knew in high school today and he hit on me. Shocker.
Got my son a haircut today and the barber hit on me too. Shocker.
I drank off the wedding news and now Im so horny, I wanna fuck my couch. Great.
Still getting text messages from some of the best dick I ever had. Why is the universe fuckin wit me right now?
*sigh*
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Dancing
I have no reason to feel like Im gonna lose one of my good friends any time soon, but I was watching a movie today and the song "I Hope You Dance" came on after someone died, and one friend in particular came to mind. All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with the thought of her passing - as Im sure the movie intended its viewers to do - and I was in tears. Fresh off a trip to Atlanta, trying to decompress, and I was immediately taken somewhere else.
I dont know if all of you are familiar, so let me hip you to some of the lyrics:
"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
I hope you dance."
Yo.
That songs has some real powerful lyrics. If you have never heard it, please search it out and do so. It really captures the simplicity of life, as well as the focus of what's really important. Dont sweat the small stuff, folks. Dont sweat the small stuff.
While I was away this weekend, I met up with one of my close friends during a long layover I had, and we were discussing a couple of other friends of ours. Two in particular are the same age as us - one just found out she has cancer, the other just found out she has some kind of mass growing on her brain and the doctors dont quite know what it is. Really dude? Life aint shit. I was JUST talking about how life will blow by you and be gone before you know it with another friend of mine before I left, and there I was, having an identical conversation with someone else. Crazy.
In thinking about losing this friend, I realized how much her friendship means to me. I dont know what I would do without it, and honestly, I dont know what I ever did before I met her. I was flying the not-always-so-friendly skies this weekend, and I could have gone down in flames, or been in a car accident while I was away. She could have been in a car accident while I was away. Anything can happen at any given time. Life is short. Make sure your friends know how important they are to you. I know my focus in this blog is on one friend in particular, but I want all my friends to know that I love them and I dont want the first time you hear it to be at your memorial services. You know who you are. If you even THINK Im talking to you, I am.
I intend to live a full life, long or short, and that means Im gonna do some things that some of you may think crazy, or disapprove of. Understand that while your opinion does matter to me, it wont change anything I feel I need to do for myself. I wont be 80 with no stories to tell and I wont die at a young age, wishing I had done more. You shouldnt either. No judgment here. Live your damn life. No one can do it for you.
Dont be bitter about love lost. Love, by definition, is a conquering force that will eventually prevail. It will come back around if you are patient. Dont hold animosity in your hearts toward people who wronged you. Karma is a bitch in 6-inch stilletos and even when you dont personally bear witness, fucked up people get payback - in cash. Hate your boss? Get in line. Most of us do. He or she probably hates you too, but you still have that job, so be grateful, and if or when a time comes that you dont, trust that its for the best and that better things are coming down the pipeline. Live, love and appreciate the little things, like friendship and butterflies and sunsets and $4 off at Red Lobster, because those are the things that put smiles on our faces, even when we are too busy to notice.
Thats all. Im going to dance around the living room with my kids now. Yall enjoy your night.
I dont know if all of you are familiar, so let me hip you to some of the lyrics:
"I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
I hope you dance."
Yo.
That songs has some real powerful lyrics. If you have never heard it, please search it out and do so. It really captures the simplicity of life, as well as the focus of what's really important. Dont sweat the small stuff, folks. Dont sweat the small stuff.
While I was away this weekend, I met up with one of my close friends during a long layover I had, and we were discussing a couple of other friends of ours. Two in particular are the same age as us - one just found out she has cancer, the other just found out she has some kind of mass growing on her brain and the doctors dont quite know what it is. Really dude? Life aint shit. I was JUST talking about how life will blow by you and be gone before you know it with another friend of mine before I left, and there I was, having an identical conversation with someone else. Crazy.
In thinking about losing this friend, I realized how much her friendship means to me. I dont know what I would do without it, and honestly, I dont know what I ever did before I met her. I was flying the not-always-so-friendly skies this weekend, and I could have gone down in flames, or been in a car accident while I was away. She could have been in a car accident while I was away. Anything can happen at any given time. Life is short. Make sure your friends know how important they are to you. I know my focus in this blog is on one friend in particular, but I want all my friends to know that I love them and I dont want the first time you hear it to be at your memorial services. You know who you are. If you even THINK Im talking to you, I am.
I intend to live a full life, long or short, and that means Im gonna do some things that some of you may think crazy, or disapprove of. Understand that while your opinion does matter to me, it wont change anything I feel I need to do for myself. I wont be 80 with no stories to tell and I wont die at a young age, wishing I had done more. You shouldnt either. No judgment here. Live your damn life. No one can do it for you.
Dont be bitter about love lost. Love, by definition, is a conquering force that will eventually prevail. It will come back around if you are patient. Dont hold animosity in your hearts toward people who wronged you. Karma is a bitch in 6-inch stilletos and even when you dont personally bear witness, fucked up people get payback - in cash. Hate your boss? Get in line. Most of us do. He or she probably hates you too, but you still have that job, so be grateful, and if or when a time comes that you dont, trust that its for the best and that better things are coming down the pipeline. Live, love and appreciate the little things, like friendship and butterflies and sunsets and $4 off at Red Lobster, because those are the things that put smiles on our faces, even when we are too busy to notice.
Thats all. Im going to dance around the living room with my kids now. Yall enjoy your night.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Digfiles: Episode 3....I think LOL
So yall know how I told yall I think the lady at the nail shop wants to bang me, right? Well, actually, now that I think about it, Im not sure I did, but I've said it several times in other spaces. Anyway, I think she wants to bang me LOL.
So I go in there today to get a pedi and have my eyebrows razored. She's giving someone a fill, but asks me what I'm gonna do today. I tell her and she sends the lady who was helping out today to start the water. Im not all that big on having someone working on me who Im not familiar with, because not all of em know what they doing. But I figure I aint got all day, so the least I can do is soak and maybe by the time she's done with the chick next to me, my normal lady would be done with the fill.
The first thing I noticed was that the chick that was next to me (now at the sink, washing her hands) had mad welts and scars on the side of her face. I said DAYUM!! Somebody sliced her shit UP!! Then she moved in front of the mirror on the wall and I see the same shit on the other side of her face. DAYUM!! These were some hellafied keyloids and slashes, so Im wondering WTF happened. Then my mind went back to an incident the whole city was talking about for a while, a few years back, when some girl got into a fight at a local movie theater and got all slashed up about the face. I wondered if it were her, but my impression was that the chick it happened to was younger, so maybe not. IDK, but somebody made sure she was never gonna forget they ass! *smh*
Anyway, the lady tells me to come put my feet in the tub, so I do. She's about to start on Scarface, but Scarface is like "ugh, can I SOAK first???" LMAOOOOOO! Yo, them nail people be cracking me up with that. Unless they are in a real hurry, EVERYBODY wants to soak first. She came over to me and I gave her a look like um, yeah, I wanna soak too. She must be new LOL. She started speaking Korean to my lady, shrugging her shoulders like "what Im posta do?" LOL. Have a seat, shawty, rest your legs for a minute. After a few minutes, she asked if I was ready and Im like Scarface was here first, see if she's ready. Scarface was chillin in the massage chair with her eyes closed, so Betty (Ima call the new jack Betty LOL) didnt wanna ask her. So I motioned with my hand and whispered "just tap her" LOL. Betty looked nervous as hell, but she tapped Scarface on the knee and Scarface said she was cool, just relaxing, so go on and do me.
So Betty pulls up the stool and starts to do my pedicure. I could tell by how slow she was moving that she was either just starting out or it had been a while. My lady (I think her name is Lisa) be like zip, zip, zip LOL. So because Ive come to the conclusion that Betty is new, I gotta keep an eye on her to make sure she aint fuckin up and to make sure she dont cut me or nothing cause then I gotta fuck HER up LOL. She moved hella slow, but she was doing alright, at least from my vantage point. Here comes Lisa (speaking Koream) asking Betty why I didnt turn my massage chair on. Betty lookin like I dont know, shit, ask her why she aint turn it on LOL. Lisa like fuck that, "here, honey" and PUT the remote in my hand like I didnt see it laying on the armrest or something. Then she changed her mind, took the remote back, programmed what SHE felt I needed to have, and handed it back to me when the chair came on LOL. DAMN, son! I cant pick my own massage settings? LOL
Lisa goes back to finish the fill and I go back to hawking Betty. Not long after, Betty's just about done. All there is left to do is the polish - I always get a french manicure because Im kinda anti-nail polish LOL. Now Lisa is saying something to the lady and walking over cause the fill is done. I figured she would let Betty finish me and she'd come do Scarface, but she was like hell nah, get yo ass up, Betty LOL. The part I hate about the nail shop is that Lisa is always saying some shit in Korean and I can always tell when she is talking about me, because whoever she is talking to ALWAYS looks up at me LOL. I be wanting to ask her sometimes what the hell she be saying. Today was no different. Betty looked at me and I figured she told her I was her girlfriend or something LOL. Who the fuck knows LOL.
So now she's picked up the towel and start patting and rubbing my feet and legs with it, way too long for some already-dry legs, and she's inspecting Betty's work. First thing she noticed was a cuticle not fully done. She fixed it. Then she saw some filing that wasnt good enough. She fixed it. When I tell you this woman damn near did my ENTIRE pedicure over, I mean she damn near did LOL. Hey, I aint mad. Get it right. I cant see from this chair, but if I get a closer look and it aint right, you know you doing it over. Naturally, after that, she spent like two weeks rubbing lotion on my legs LOL. I mean, naturally. Dont everybody's nail lady rub their legs that long? LOL HELL. NO. LOL. And I dont know what it is about the leg massaging, if its her eye contact and smile, or what, but she be doing that shit like she's massaging a boob or something. I cant even look at her when she doing it, I feel dirty and there be kids present LMAO!
In the meantime, her husband comes in and we haggle over how thin or thick I want my french, as usual, and then she sends me to the other chair to dry and get my eyebrows done. Her husband recognizes me as a regular, so he always talks to me and today he set up the fan for my toes dry and took my coat and stuff for me. He spent the rest of the time spinning their bad ass lil boy around in a chair, and all I kept thinking was "I hope he spin him right out that bitch" LOL. Bad ass.
Lisa comes over, razor in hand, and starts brushing my hair away from my face with her fingers. *staring* Stop that LOL. Then she goes to slicing and dicing and when its done, I can never tell if I like it in the hand mirror, I always have to walk across the room to the wall mirror. I have to see it from a distance. I follow that routine and sit back down because I want her to cut a little of the ends of my eyebrows. She goes "No." LOL no? WTF you mean no? LOL "I like them long, they look nice nice long" (thats not a typo, she said nice nice LOL) Im like well damn, when did this become about what YOU like? I'd like this shit to be free but we cant all get what we want, can we? LOL Still, I felt naked, cause she was standing in between my legs, with her boobs damn near in my mouth, so I just said okay so she could get offa me LOL.
Im like "Ok, how much is it again?" She rolled her eyes at me. WTF you rollin your eyes at me for? LOL "35" she says. "Really?" I ask. She goes to recounting the services and prices to add them out loud, and Im like "oh the pedi is 25 now?" She started cussin me out LMAO! She started talkin bout how it aint been 22 since they got the new, fancy massagers and how it been so long since I came in for one with her that I forgot and if I came more I would know and she rolled her eyes again LMAOOOOOO! Mind you, it was a playful curse out, not no real live curse out, cause we woulda had a problem then, but that shit sounded like when you run into some guy who got your number over the summer and never called and he asks for your number again and you go to flirting and tellin him how you already gave it to him and he didnt call LOL. On some real shit, I know I was blushing. I had to be, cause that shit was so damn crazy LOL.
I sat to dry a little longer than usual because I wanted to make sure my toes wouldnt smudge. You know, Im goin to see my boo this weekend, so them shits need to be on point LOL. But she never wants me to get up until SHE says so anyway. While she holding me hostage, Im sitting there, and she steady looking at me and smiling, but this is normal fare for her. Then she's saying some shit - again in Korean - and Im just pretending not to hear her cause now Im starting to get annoyed with the shit. Her husband goes "do you know what she said?" Now why the fuck would I know what she said? LOL "No" I said. "She said she loves your eyebrows, they just look so beautiful and she keeps looking back at them." Ok, but you did them shits, you supposed to like em. If nobody like em, you should LOL. I just shook my head and laughed. He left about five minutes later and she got up and went to the mirror to start plucking her own eyebrows. She turned around and saw me watching her pluck and we just both started cracking up. Let me find out you hating on my eyebrows and had to go start fuckin wit yours LOL. Hilarious.
So maybe thats what she keeps saying to people that makes them look at me and thats probably why she be making me get them done, even when its not what Im there for, because she thinks they are her babies LOL. But that dont dammit explain why she always got her thigh all up in my coochie piece when she doing them shits, and why I have to watch her to make sure them leg massages stop at the knee. I dont care bout no eyebrow shit, I think that was her setting up her story early, so when she tries to get me later, I wont be suspicious LOL. Damn shame you gotta worry bout leaving the nail shop molested. *smh*
So I go in there today to get a pedi and have my eyebrows razored. She's giving someone a fill, but asks me what I'm gonna do today. I tell her and she sends the lady who was helping out today to start the water. Im not all that big on having someone working on me who Im not familiar with, because not all of em know what they doing. But I figure I aint got all day, so the least I can do is soak and maybe by the time she's done with the chick next to me, my normal lady would be done with the fill.
The first thing I noticed was that the chick that was next to me (now at the sink, washing her hands) had mad welts and scars on the side of her face. I said DAYUM!! Somebody sliced her shit UP!! Then she moved in front of the mirror on the wall and I see the same shit on the other side of her face. DAYUM!! These were some hellafied keyloids and slashes, so Im wondering WTF happened. Then my mind went back to an incident the whole city was talking about for a while, a few years back, when some girl got into a fight at a local movie theater and got all slashed up about the face. I wondered if it were her, but my impression was that the chick it happened to was younger, so maybe not. IDK, but somebody made sure she was never gonna forget they ass! *smh*
Anyway, the lady tells me to come put my feet in the tub, so I do. She's about to start on Scarface, but Scarface is like "ugh, can I SOAK first???" LMAOOOOOO! Yo, them nail people be cracking me up with that. Unless they are in a real hurry, EVERYBODY wants to soak first. She came over to me and I gave her a look like um, yeah, I wanna soak too. She must be new LOL. She started speaking Korean to my lady, shrugging her shoulders like "what Im posta do?" LOL. Have a seat, shawty, rest your legs for a minute. After a few minutes, she asked if I was ready and Im like Scarface was here first, see if she's ready. Scarface was chillin in the massage chair with her eyes closed, so Betty (Ima call the new jack Betty LOL) didnt wanna ask her. So I motioned with my hand and whispered "just tap her" LOL. Betty looked nervous as hell, but she tapped Scarface on the knee and Scarface said she was cool, just relaxing, so go on and do me.
So Betty pulls up the stool and starts to do my pedicure. I could tell by how slow she was moving that she was either just starting out or it had been a while. My lady (I think her name is Lisa) be like zip, zip, zip LOL. So because Ive come to the conclusion that Betty is new, I gotta keep an eye on her to make sure she aint fuckin up and to make sure she dont cut me or nothing cause then I gotta fuck HER up LOL. She moved hella slow, but she was doing alright, at least from my vantage point. Here comes Lisa (speaking Koream) asking Betty why I didnt turn my massage chair on. Betty lookin like I dont know, shit, ask her why she aint turn it on LOL. Lisa like fuck that, "here, honey" and PUT the remote in my hand like I didnt see it laying on the armrest or something. Then she changed her mind, took the remote back, programmed what SHE felt I needed to have, and handed it back to me when the chair came on LOL. DAMN, son! I cant pick my own massage settings? LOL
Lisa goes back to finish the fill and I go back to hawking Betty. Not long after, Betty's just about done. All there is left to do is the polish - I always get a french manicure because Im kinda anti-nail polish LOL. Now Lisa is saying something to the lady and walking over cause the fill is done. I figured she would let Betty finish me and she'd come do Scarface, but she was like hell nah, get yo ass up, Betty LOL. The part I hate about the nail shop is that Lisa is always saying some shit in Korean and I can always tell when she is talking about me, because whoever she is talking to ALWAYS looks up at me LOL. I be wanting to ask her sometimes what the hell she be saying. Today was no different. Betty looked at me and I figured she told her I was her girlfriend or something LOL. Who the fuck knows LOL.
So now she's picked up the towel and start patting and rubbing my feet and legs with it, way too long for some already-dry legs, and she's inspecting Betty's work. First thing she noticed was a cuticle not fully done. She fixed it. Then she saw some filing that wasnt good enough. She fixed it. When I tell you this woman damn near did my ENTIRE pedicure over, I mean she damn near did LOL. Hey, I aint mad. Get it right. I cant see from this chair, but if I get a closer look and it aint right, you know you doing it over. Naturally, after that, she spent like two weeks rubbing lotion on my legs LOL. I mean, naturally. Dont everybody's nail lady rub their legs that long? LOL HELL. NO. LOL. And I dont know what it is about the leg massaging, if its her eye contact and smile, or what, but she be doing that shit like she's massaging a boob or something. I cant even look at her when she doing it, I feel dirty and there be kids present LMAO!
In the meantime, her husband comes in and we haggle over how thin or thick I want my french, as usual, and then she sends me to the other chair to dry and get my eyebrows done. Her husband recognizes me as a regular, so he always talks to me and today he set up the fan for my toes dry and took my coat and stuff for me. He spent the rest of the time spinning their bad ass lil boy around in a chair, and all I kept thinking was "I hope he spin him right out that bitch" LOL. Bad ass.
Lisa comes over, razor in hand, and starts brushing my hair away from my face with her fingers. *staring* Stop that LOL. Then she goes to slicing and dicing and when its done, I can never tell if I like it in the hand mirror, I always have to walk across the room to the wall mirror. I have to see it from a distance. I follow that routine and sit back down because I want her to cut a little of the ends of my eyebrows. She goes "No." LOL no? WTF you mean no? LOL "I like them long, they look nice nice long" (thats not a typo, she said nice nice LOL) Im like well damn, when did this become about what YOU like? I'd like this shit to be free but we cant all get what we want, can we? LOL Still, I felt naked, cause she was standing in between my legs, with her boobs damn near in my mouth, so I just said okay so she could get offa me LOL.
Im like "Ok, how much is it again?" She rolled her eyes at me. WTF you rollin your eyes at me for? LOL "35" she says. "Really?" I ask. She goes to recounting the services and prices to add them out loud, and Im like "oh the pedi is 25 now?" She started cussin me out LMAO! She started talkin bout how it aint been 22 since they got the new, fancy massagers and how it been so long since I came in for one with her that I forgot and if I came more I would know and she rolled her eyes again LMAOOOOOO! Mind you, it was a playful curse out, not no real live curse out, cause we woulda had a problem then, but that shit sounded like when you run into some guy who got your number over the summer and never called and he asks for your number again and you go to flirting and tellin him how you already gave it to him and he didnt call LOL. On some real shit, I know I was blushing. I had to be, cause that shit was so damn crazy LOL.
I sat to dry a little longer than usual because I wanted to make sure my toes wouldnt smudge. You know, Im goin to see my boo this weekend, so them shits need to be on point LOL. But she never wants me to get up until SHE says so anyway. While she holding me hostage, Im sitting there, and she steady looking at me and smiling, but this is normal fare for her. Then she's saying some shit - again in Korean - and Im just pretending not to hear her cause now Im starting to get annoyed with the shit. Her husband goes "do you know what she said?" Now why the fuck would I know what she said? LOL "No" I said. "She said she loves your eyebrows, they just look so beautiful and she keeps looking back at them." Ok, but you did them shits, you supposed to like em. If nobody like em, you should LOL. I just shook my head and laughed. He left about five minutes later and she got up and went to the mirror to start plucking her own eyebrows. She turned around and saw me watching her pluck and we just both started cracking up. Let me find out you hating on my eyebrows and had to go start fuckin wit yours LOL. Hilarious.
So maybe thats what she keeps saying to people that makes them look at me and thats probably why she be making me get them done, even when its not what Im there for, because she thinks they are her babies LOL. But that dont dammit explain why she always got her thigh all up in my coochie piece when she doing them shits, and why I have to watch her to make sure them leg massages stop at the knee. I dont care bout no eyebrow shit, I think that was her setting up her story early, so when she tries to get me later, I wont be suspicious LOL. Damn shame you gotta worry bout leaving the nail shop molested. *smh*
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
On My Mind
Of all the things I think about on a daily basis, getting married is never really one of them, but I've been thinking about it lately. I dont know if I ever really wanted to get married - at least, not up until the time I got engaged. That didnt work out and I went back to not wanting to. But now that I have someone in my life that's showing the desire and potential to be a good husband, it's something I've been mulling over.
My not wanting to get married was never due to any antipathy for the institution itself. I just wasnt that little girl who spent her life dreaming about her wedding day. I've always been very independent, and was never even quite the boyfriend type, so the idea of someone else taking care of or being responsible for me was kinda foreign. I also didnt grow up with a man in the house, nor did I have very many friends who did, so marriage wasnt even on the radar. The very first time I ever saw myself as somebody's wife was during my first grown-up relationship, being naive enough to think it would last forever, when I had nothing else to even compare it to. The next time was a few years later when someone actually slid a ring onto my finger and asked me to marry him. I had no delusions at that time - by then, I was very much aware of the concept of divorce LOL.
But now Im back in a space where the potential for a relationship to take me down that aisle is quite high, although still really early in the game, and this time, there's a lot that comes with it. After several long distance relationships that could have easily landed me on the news, LOL, I decided it wasnt something I wanted to do again. However, someone came along and changed my mind. This situation is different than the previous ones in that I've known this person, at least casually, since high school, and he just happens to not live here anymore. We reconnected just on some cool shit some time last summer and its gradually taken a turn for something else. I didnt intend it, he didnt intend it, it just happened on its own - IMO, the way it should be. I believe the best relationships are born between people who have first learned to be friends.
So now that we've decided to take on this endeavor, conversations have gotten much deeper. He's made no bones about the fact that when we hit the next level, he's gonna need me physically there on a regular basis. I've made no bones about the fact that I have no intention on relocating, uprooting my family, to go be somebody's girlfriend. I think we understand each other. I dont much care for the city I live in and had intentions of leaving it anyway. Problem is, I really have no desire to live in the city he lives in either. I guess that's issue number one. Does being together mean that it has to be THERE? I know for damn sure its not gonna be HERE, LOL, but is some other mutually acceptable place off the table? I guess we'll have to talk about that. Im not gonna be the only one making sacrifices.
One might think its too soon to be worrying about stuff like this, but I disagree. Relocation is a life changing event - especially for a woman with children - and it should be given that level of consideration. I feel like its something I need to be thinking about NOW, because should I decide that Im not gonna be able to do it, there is almost no sense in continuing down this path with him, knowing that's what's going to be required. "Good while it lasts" has its place, but that's a space you dont generally occupy by choice. Most people would choose for things to go the distance, if they had the option.
So I guess we'll see. Im not going to stress about it, but I do think its important that I at least begin to think about it, so that whatever decision I come to isnt impulsive or pressured. Despite the fact that Ive been up since 5am thinking about this (because we just got into the bulk of this issue last night), my primary focus right now is enjoying the relationship, and eventually bringing it TO that next level so all my thinking isnt in vain LOL. I think its gonna work out just fine, its just amazing to me how quickly things can change....
My not wanting to get married was never due to any antipathy for the institution itself. I just wasnt that little girl who spent her life dreaming about her wedding day. I've always been very independent, and was never even quite the boyfriend type, so the idea of someone else taking care of or being responsible for me was kinda foreign. I also didnt grow up with a man in the house, nor did I have very many friends who did, so marriage wasnt even on the radar. The very first time I ever saw myself as somebody's wife was during my first grown-up relationship, being naive enough to think it would last forever, when I had nothing else to even compare it to. The next time was a few years later when someone actually slid a ring onto my finger and asked me to marry him. I had no delusions at that time - by then, I was very much aware of the concept of divorce LOL.
But now Im back in a space where the potential for a relationship to take me down that aisle is quite high, although still really early in the game, and this time, there's a lot that comes with it. After several long distance relationships that could have easily landed me on the news, LOL, I decided it wasnt something I wanted to do again. However, someone came along and changed my mind. This situation is different than the previous ones in that I've known this person, at least casually, since high school, and he just happens to not live here anymore. We reconnected just on some cool shit some time last summer and its gradually taken a turn for something else. I didnt intend it, he didnt intend it, it just happened on its own - IMO, the way it should be. I believe the best relationships are born between people who have first learned to be friends.
So now that we've decided to take on this endeavor, conversations have gotten much deeper. He's made no bones about the fact that when we hit the next level, he's gonna need me physically there on a regular basis. I've made no bones about the fact that I have no intention on relocating, uprooting my family, to go be somebody's girlfriend. I think we understand each other. I dont much care for the city I live in and had intentions of leaving it anyway. Problem is, I really have no desire to live in the city he lives in either. I guess that's issue number one. Does being together mean that it has to be THERE? I know for damn sure its not gonna be HERE, LOL, but is some other mutually acceptable place off the table? I guess we'll have to talk about that. Im not gonna be the only one making sacrifices.
One might think its too soon to be worrying about stuff like this, but I disagree. Relocation is a life changing event - especially for a woman with children - and it should be given that level of consideration. I feel like its something I need to be thinking about NOW, because should I decide that Im not gonna be able to do it, there is almost no sense in continuing down this path with him, knowing that's what's going to be required. "Good while it lasts" has its place, but that's a space you dont generally occupy by choice. Most people would choose for things to go the distance, if they had the option.
So I guess we'll see. Im not going to stress about it, but I do think its important that I at least begin to think about it, so that whatever decision I come to isnt impulsive or pressured. Despite the fact that Ive been up since 5am thinking about this (because we just got into the bulk of this issue last night), my primary focus right now is enjoying the relationship, and eventually bringing it TO that next level so all my thinking isnt in vain LOL. I think its gonna work out just fine, its just amazing to me how quickly things can change....
Monday, March 15, 2010
Progress
Im leery of speaking too soon, but I think the mess that has been my life is starting to wipe itself clean....er LOL. I found myself in a conversation with my girl today that showed me a little progress is being made in one situation where I hadnt even realized it.
She had asked me about the married guy who always says I should have been his wife - yall remember I blogged about that on one of those Saturdays a month or two ago. He had been texting me a little less than a week ago, but I hadnt heard anything from him since. That's not weird - we normally go a couple weeks or so between conversations - but she asked if I thought I'd holla at him just to say hello in the meantime. I was almost agitated at the question when I replied, "No." She asked why, and my response was something to the effect of not seeking out a situation that I know is bad for me. Simply put, if youre trying to kick a crack habit, you dont chill on the steps at the spot, LOL. You cant blame anybody but yourself if a rock falls near your feet and you end up smoking it LOL. Feel me?
She replied that because we are friends, it should be okay to holla sometimes, and I dont disagree, but that is something I would be more apt to do if the absence stretched farther than our typical few weeks, warranting a check in to see how he is. To do so now would just be fueling an already out of control fire, and if my objective is to get over this mess of a vortex we somehow got sucked into, then I need to not go storm chasing.
Its common sense really, but there might have been a time when I would have done just what she had suggested. Emotions make us impulsive, so at one point or another, any of us who have been in a similar situation probably has done exactly that, but I honestly believe that when you genuinely want to put something to rest, you stop doing that. A lotta times, people dont really want things to stop moving the way they are. They say they do, but they keep doing shit thats gonna keep them caught up in the bullshit. I genuinely do not want to be in this place with him, and therefore, I cant take actions that give off mixed signals like a 3am hotel room visit to some guy you dont plan on fucking. Its just stupid LOL.
So I just want to put it out there, ladies and gentleman: some situations are torturous enough in themselves without you doing ignorant shit to perpetuate them. When you find yourself constantly being sucked back in, honestly ask yourself if that isnt exactly what you want. Sometimes, I dont believe people really want to be out of the bad situations that can feel so good. Maybe it makes them feel alive. Maybe they hold on so tight because they get a sense of validation from the thought that somebody feels a certain way about them, even if its wrong. Im sure there are tons of reasons people allow it to go on, but when you truly, truly want it to stop, you will do the things you need to in order to make it.
Thats all.
She had asked me about the married guy who always says I should have been his wife - yall remember I blogged about that on one of those Saturdays a month or two ago. He had been texting me a little less than a week ago, but I hadnt heard anything from him since. That's not weird - we normally go a couple weeks or so between conversations - but she asked if I thought I'd holla at him just to say hello in the meantime. I was almost agitated at the question when I replied, "No." She asked why, and my response was something to the effect of not seeking out a situation that I know is bad for me. Simply put, if youre trying to kick a crack habit, you dont chill on the steps at the spot, LOL. You cant blame anybody but yourself if a rock falls near your feet and you end up smoking it LOL. Feel me?
She replied that because we are friends, it should be okay to holla sometimes, and I dont disagree, but that is something I would be more apt to do if the absence stretched farther than our typical few weeks, warranting a check in to see how he is. To do so now would just be fueling an already out of control fire, and if my objective is to get over this mess of a vortex we somehow got sucked into, then I need to not go storm chasing.
Its common sense really, but there might have been a time when I would have done just what she had suggested. Emotions make us impulsive, so at one point or another, any of us who have been in a similar situation probably has done exactly that, but I honestly believe that when you genuinely want to put something to rest, you stop doing that. A lotta times, people dont really want things to stop moving the way they are. They say they do, but they keep doing shit thats gonna keep them caught up in the bullshit. I genuinely do not want to be in this place with him, and therefore, I cant take actions that give off mixed signals like a 3am hotel room visit to some guy you dont plan on fucking. Its just stupid LOL.
So I just want to put it out there, ladies and gentleman: some situations are torturous enough in themselves without you doing ignorant shit to perpetuate them. When you find yourself constantly being sucked back in, honestly ask yourself if that isnt exactly what you want. Sometimes, I dont believe people really want to be out of the bad situations that can feel so good. Maybe it makes them feel alive. Maybe they hold on so tight because they get a sense of validation from the thought that somebody feels a certain way about them, even if its wrong. Im sure there are tons of reasons people allow it to go on, but when you truly, truly want it to stop, you will do the things you need to in order to make it.
Thats all.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Stalker Alert?
I think my neighbors have a stalker.
Garbage collection was the other day, so everyone had their trash cans on the curb. The trucks are usually circling around 7am, but for some reason, they were late.
I was sitting on my bed, drinking some coffee, looking out the window, and I notice a lady going through my neighbors' trash. When I tell you she was going through it, I mean she had the can tipped over toward her and she was damn near IN the shit LOL. I was like damn, she really diggin for them cans and bottles, aint she? LOL But I'm skeevy about shit like that, I dont like people going through my garbage. I try to sit my cans and bottles outside the can, in a separate bag, so if someone wants them, they can just get em and keep it moving. I figured if she was making her rounds, she'd be hitting my garbage up next, so I was getting ready to throw on some clothes, and head to the front door to shoo her away when she got to mine, when I noticed a car. Damn, bag ladies doing it big these days LOL. Hell nah, that shit is weird. You in a car, driving up topeople's houses for cans? COME ON SON!
So I sat there for a few more seconds watching her, and noticed that she was picking bags out of the can, and cutting holes in them, taking stuff out. I couldnt really tell if they were cans or bottles or what, but I was somewhat distracted by the way she kept looking over at the house, making sure no one inside saw her. That seemed strange. Then she appeared to be done and I thought she'd be hitting my garbage next, so I started to go downstairs, but she just snuck back to her car and drove off.
*__*
Alrighty then.
I contemplated whether or not I should tell my neighbor about it, but when I left for work, they didnt appear to be home. Well, actually, the cable truck was in the back, so I guess the husband was there, probably sleeping, but hey, I had somewhere to be. I still dont know if I should say anything though. I mean, maybe it was nothing... maybe she just decided after she went through their stuff that she was done for the morning. I dont know, but I really dont wanna worry them over nothing. Some things just dont make sense, maybe this was one of those things. I hope...
Garbage collection was the other day, so everyone had their trash cans on the curb. The trucks are usually circling around 7am, but for some reason, they were late.
I was sitting on my bed, drinking some coffee, looking out the window, and I notice a lady going through my neighbors' trash. When I tell you she was going through it, I mean she had the can tipped over toward her and she was damn near IN the shit LOL. I was like damn, she really diggin for them cans and bottles, aint she? LOL But I'm skeevy about shit like that, I dont like people going through my garbage. I try to sit my cans and bottles outside the can, in a separate bag, so if someone wants them, they can just get em and keep it moving. I figured if she was making her rounds, she'd be hitting my garbage up next, so I was getting ready to throw on some clothes, and head to the front door to shoo her away when she got to mine, when I noticed a car. Damn, bag ladies doing it big these days LOL. Hell nah, that shit is weird. You in a car, driving up topeople's houses for cans? COME ON SON!
So I sat there for a few more seconds watching her, and noticed that she was picking bags out of the can, and cutting holes in them, taking stuff out. I couldnt really tell if they were cans or bottles or what, but I was somewhat distracted by the way she kept looking over at the house, making sure no one inside saw her. That seemed strange. Then she appeared to be done and I thought she'd be hitting my garbage next, so I started to go downstairs, but she just snuck back to her car and drove off.
*__*
Alrighty then.
I contemplated whether or not I should tell my neighbor about it, but when I left for work, they didnt appear to be home. Well, actually, the cable truck was in the back, so I guess the husband was there, probably sleeping, but hey, I had somewhere to be. I still dont know if I should say anything though. I mean, maybe it was nothing... maybe she just decided after she went through their stuff that she was done for the morning. I dont know, but I really dont wanna worry them over nothing. Some things just dont make sense, maybe this was one of those things. I hope...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Precious
Im on the late bus, yet again, I know. Finally sat down and watched the movie "Precious" for the first time and..... I didnt really like it. I know I am gonna get a lotta flack for saying it out loud, but.... Im sorry, it just really didnt cut it for me.
Dont get me wrong - there were some moments that got me. The scene with Monique at the social worker's office with Precious was BANANAS! The fight scene that caused Precious to finally leave home - BANANAS! But aside from that, it just didnt really grab me. And Im disappointed. I wanted to like it so bad. I had my kleenex ready, totally prepared to burst into tears somewhere, but it never happened. I was told by I dont even know how many people that it was so depressing and so emotional, but after watching it, I kinda feel robbed.
Yes, it is fucked up what Precious had to deal with, but I dont feel like the makers of the movie really captured it to the depth that book did. To be perfectly honest, I felt a little left to be desired from the book too, but it was definitely better than the movie, in terms of painting the picture for you. Frankly, Monique was really the ONLY riveting thing about the movie. Did she deserve the Oscar? Well, I guess I will have to see the other contenders in that category to make that determination.
I feel like hot garbage saying I didnt like this movie, but in all fairness, as a writer, Im a tough room. I am very critical of movies. Even if the acting is great (and sorry, it really wasnt in this movie) the writing will make or break it for me and my apologies to the academy, but I just was not impressed.
*enter hate mail*
Oh well.
Dont get me wrong - there were some moments that got me. The scene with Monique at the social worker's office with Precious was BANANAS! The fight scene that caused Precious to finally leave home - BANANAS! But aside from that, it just didnt really grab me. And Im disappointed. I wanted to like it so bad. I had my kleenex ready, totally prepared to burst into tears somewhere, but it never happened. I was told by I dont even know how many people that it was so depressing and so emotional, but after watching it, I kinda feel robbed.
Yes, it is fucked up what Precious had to deal with, but I dont feel like the makers of the movie really captured it to the depth that book did. To be perfectly honest, I felt a little left to be desired from the book too, but it was definitely better than the movie, in terms of painting the picture for you. Frankly, Monique was really the ONLY riveting thing about the movie. Did she deserve the Oscar? Well, I guess I will have to see the other contenders in that category to make that determination.
I feel like hot garbage saying I didnt like this movie, but in all fairness, as a writer, Im a tough room. I am very critical of movies. Even if the acting is great (and sorry, it really wasnt in this movie) the writing will make or break it for me and my apologies to the academy, but I just was not impressed.
*enter hate mail*
Oh well.
Friday, March 12, 2010
UGH!!!!!!
You know what really annoys me? When people approach me about something in a way thats totally misrepresentative of what they mean. I cannot stand that! Dont ask me to do one thing when what they really want me to do is something else. Say what you mean!
For instance, if I say "IM having a cookout", its pretty safe to assume that that's what I mean and that the bulk of the food will be provided by me. Etiquette dictates that you should probably ask what you can bring, just out of courtesy, but my answer is gonna be something like "chips" not "a 10lb bag of chicken" LOL. On the other hand, if I say LETS have a cookout at my house", it should be understood as a group effort, for which I am volunteering my home as the venue. The "what to bring" conversation will shake out a little different and in this case, yes, you very well may be expected to bring a 10lb bag of chicken LOL.
You see where Im going with this? LOL
Dont extend an invitation for me to participate in something "you want to throw" for somebody, then turn around and tell me how much it costs LOL. Why the fuck do I care how much it costs if YOU are "throwing" something? That phrasing suggests to me that you are putting it together AND paying for it because when it comes down to it, thats the only way you can take the credit for "throwing" it. If me and 8 other people gotta go in on it, bitch, WE throwing it LOL. Its ALL of ours LOL! And then there's the guilt trip. If you decline to participate, there's all kinda fucken drama and shit slingin. GTFOH wit alladat LOL I HATE that shit!
Furthermore, LOL, the specific event I was most recently asked about already has a function planned around it. Why do people always feel the need to supplement some shit and then I gotta feel obligated to go or be the bitch? If you absolutely HAVE to put your stamp on something, why cant you incorporate it as some kind of addition to the already-in-progress plans for the event? Matter of fact, why not just PAY for the original event since you know said homey is "throwing" it themselves? LOL. Why it gotta be..... OHHH! LMAOOOO! THATS why, LMAOOOOO! *smh* People kill me talking about they want to throw the specific thing they are throwing because they know "whomever" has been wanting it, KNOWING good and damn well that THEY are the ones who have been wanting it and they so busy pissin on your shoes and tellin you its raining, they forgot about the lengthy conversation in which they mentioned that. I'm sorry, I'm not playin patsy today, LOL. No Ma'am. Matter of fact, Ima go on ahead and put you on punishment for the rest of the day, dear heart, cause I cant, LOL.....
*smh*
For instance, if I say "IM having a cookout", its pretty safe to assume that that's what I mean and that the bulk of the food will be provided by me. Etiquette dictates that you should probably ask what you can bring, just out of courtesy, but my answer is gonna be something like "chips" not "a 10lb bag of chicken" LOL. On the other hand, if I say LETS have a cookout at my house", it should be understood as a group effort, for which I am volunteering my home as the venue. The "what to bring" conversation will shake out a little different and in this case, yes, you very well may be expected to bring a 10lb bag of chicken LOL.
You see where Im going with this? LOL
Dont extend an invitation for me to participate in something "you want to throw" for somebody, then turn around and tell me how much it costs LOL. Why the fuck do I care how much it costs if YOU are "throwing" something? That phrasing suggests to me that you are putting it together AND paying for it because when it comes down to it, thats the only way you can take the credit for "throwing" it. If me and 8 other people gotta go in on it, bitch, WE throwing it LOL. Its ALL of ours LOL! And then there's the guilt trip. If you decline to participate, there's all kinda fucken drama and shit slingin. GTFOH wit alladat LOL I HATE that shit!
Furthermore, LOL, the specific event I was most recently asked about already has a function planned around it. Why do people always feel the need to supplement some shit and then I gotta feel obligated to go or be the bitch? If you absolutely HAVE to put your stamp on something, why cant you incorporate it as some kind of addition to the already-in-progress plans for the event? Matter of fact, why not just PAY for the original event since you know said homey is "throwing" it themselves? LOL. Why it gotta be..... OHHH! LMAOOOO! THATS why, LMAOOOOO! *smh* People kill me talking about they want to throw the specific thing they are throwing because they know "whomever" has been wanting it, KNOWING good and damn well that THEY are the ones who have been wanting it and they so busy pissin on your shoes and tellin you its raining, they forgot about the lengthy conversation in which they mentioned that. I'm sorry, I'm not playin patsy today, LOL. No Ma'am. Matter of fact, Ima go on ahead and put you on punishment for the rest of the day, dear heart, cause I cant, LOL.....
*smh*
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Growing Apart
I have had a lot of great friends in my day. Some are still around in some capacity, some are not, but all of them have given something to me that even absence couldnt take away. I value my relationships, and I learn a lot from them. Over the years, they've taught me patience, they've taught me acceptance, they've taught me trust, and, unfortunately though not, sometimes they have taught me to let go.
I'm in a place right now where I feel myself growing apart from a couple of people. I've been feeling this way for a while and I think it might be time for me to stop fighting it. Experience has taught me that sometimes the best way to preserve a friendship is to fall back from it. People grow in different directions and you have to allow it. Failing to do so may not only hinder your friend's growth, but also stunt your own, and isnt life all about progression? Isnt that what TRUE friendship is about?
We spend a lot more than our adolescence learning who we are - its a constant process we're in for our entire lives. There come points when you look around and dont recognize or necessarily like your surroundings, and decide they need to change. Making that change might also mean cutting such close ties with people who no longer fit into the schematics of who or where you wanna be. Likewise, when you see THEM becoming someone or something of their own, and you begin feeling out of place, it might be time to let them move on. That doesnt mean the friendship ends, it just means it changes. It becomes a little less definitive and obligatory than before, which can take some getting used to. But looking back, sometimes its the best - or only - way to preserve the integrity of the relationship you once had, without being obligated to continue it.
Make no mistake - people go through things in their personal lives that temporarily affect their relationships. Sometimes people need time to themselves, or they choose to deal with a personal situation on their own, shutting you and everybody else out until its been handled, or hell, maybe yall just seeing too much of each other and they just need a break from your ass LOL. Damn, can they go chill with their other friends sometimes? LOL My inner circle goes through that all the time LOL. Im not talking about those things. Im talking about a series of indicators over a considerable period of time that you cant break down to anything in particular, because its everything....
So you've come to this conclusion - now what? What do you say? Nothing. Nature will eventually take its course, you just have to let it. If you're standing at the crossroads, chances are good that they are too. If they arent, its even more reason for you to keep it moving. A person who doesnt even acknowldege their own growth being stifled will only serve to further stifle yours.
Growing apart isnt a bad thing. Its necessary for people to become who they need or want to be. Its just hard sometimes when you identify certain aspects of yourself though someone else's presence in your life and you dont want things to change, but understand that in a lot of these cases, if you dont make the necessary adjustments, you run the risk of eventually not being friends at all.
I'm in a place right now where I feel myself growing apart from a couple of people. I've been feeling this way for a while and I think it might be time for me to stop fighting it. Experience has taught me that sometimes the best way to preserve a friendship is to fall back from it. People grow in different directions and you have to allow it. Failing to do so may not only hinder your friend's growth, but also stunt your own, and isnt life all about progression? Isnt that what TRUE friendship is about?
We spend a lot more than our adolescence learning who we are - its a constant process we're in for our entire lives. There come points when you look around and dont recognize or necessarily like your surroundings, and decide they need to change. Making that change might also mean cutting such close ties with people who no longer fit into the schematics of who or where you wanna be. Likewise, when you see THEM becoming someone or something of their own, and you begin feeling out of place, it might be time to let them move on. That doesnt mean the friendship ends, it just means it changes. It becomes a little less definitive and obligatory than before, which can take some getting used to. But looking back, sometimes its the best - or only - way to preserve the integrity of the relationship you once had, without being obligated to continue it.
Make no mistake - people go through things in their personal lives that temporarily affect their relationships. Sometimes people need time to themselves, or they choose to deal with a personal situation on their own, shutting you and everybody else out until its been handled, or hell, maybe yall just seeing too much of each other and they just need a break from your ass LOL. Damn, can they go chill with their other friends sometimes? LOL My inner circle goes through that all the time LOL. Im not talking about those things. Im talking about a series of indicators over a considerable period of time that you cant break down to anything in particular, because its everything....
So you've come to this conclusion - now what? What do you say? Nothing. Nature will eventually take its course, you just have to let it. If you're standing at the crossroads, chances are good that they are too. If they arent, its even more reason for you to keep it moving. A person who doesnt even acknowldege their own growth being stifled will only serve to further stifle yours.
Growing apart isnt a bad thing. Its necessary for people to become who they need or want to be. Its just hard sometimes when you identify certain aspects of yourself though someone else's presence in your life and you dont want things to change, but understand that in a lot of these cases, if you dont make the necessary adjustments, you run the risk of eventually not being friends at all.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Texting Is The Devil!
Text messaging is the devil. Whoever invented it oughta go straight to hell, dipped in crisco, wearing gasoline speedos LOL.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am a text junkie. I have had all-day textasations with people, and it could be for any number of reasons: maybe Im at work and texting is easier to do while still doing my job, or maybe just to spare my anytime minutes. Whatever the reason, there is no doubt that texting has totally come in handy on several occasions.
But you know what, one main reason texting is so great is the same as why it's the damn devil: its a lot easier to say certain things via a text message than it is to speak it out of your mouth. People do things via text message that they dont have the heart (read: balls LOL) to do in person and some of that shit is just unacceptable - like breaking up. Are you fucken serious? I wish a dude would try to break up with me via text message LOL. It would not be a good day for him LOL. Thats no better than breaking up with somebody on their answering machine. Get some damn balls!
I thought that was as bad as it got until today when I realized that it does, indeed, get worse. I got an out-of-the-blue text from somebody I really just reconnected with recently online. At first it was "hey, how you doing?" and other insignificant chit chat, and then it was "so how come I never got the time of day?"
*staring into the camera*
"What?"
He repeated the question.
Now ladies and gentleman, understand where Im coming from - this wasnt a rhetorical question and it wasnt just some lighthearted joke meant to get a giggle outta me and then segue to something else. He was really asking and really wanted an answer. Do you know what thats like? Thats like...... thats like somebody you've had sex with asking you if they were in your top 3. If they werent, you are forced to either lie or be the asshole when you hurt their feelings, when they should have never even asked the question in the first place, because grown people should know if they had to ask, they were not it LOL.
I tried to let the question roll off of me, not wanting to go down that road, but he came right back to it.
"We already discussed that [before]."
"We did?"
"Yes."
"Oh... I still like you - what did you say?"
*staring into the camera*
My guess would have been that whatever the reason was had either not changed or wasn't what he wanted to hear the FIRST time, otherwise we may have ventured to travel that path upon the emergence of the topic, no? I guess he didnt think about that so I was left center stage with the mic in my hand - again. I basically told him, in a more concise way, the same thing I told him before - different places, different paths, yada, yada, yada, but Im still thinking to myself, why would you wanna ask somebody that via text message? Am I the only person who feels like that's kind of cowardly? Let me back up, cause my initial irritation came at the fact that this was his first time hitting my cell in almost a year and this was one of the first things he chose to get into, but following closely behind was how do you even expect a woman to take you seriously when you cant even CALL to speak to her about how you supposedly feel? I cant respect your inquiry. Would you say yes to a man who texted you a marriage proposal? LOL Unless he is off in Afghanistan fighting for freedom or some shit like that, you better not LOL. Would you accept a texted apology for something that really hurt you? I wouldnt.
Now dont get me wrong, there are exceptions and acceptions to everything, but certain things just should not be discussed via text message. Be a grown ass man or woman and SPEAK to people sometimes and stop taking the easy way out. Me and homey just aint built for each other IMO, so it wouldnt have affected the outcome of the situation, but at least I would have taken his interest seriously as opposed to sitting here feeling like I just got called in from recess.....
I should go on to say that dude is cool, we've always been cool, so if he is reading this, he should not take any of this as a personal dig - its just the behavior that needs to be reassessed. My blog is about my life experiences and as such, anybody I interact with could potentially find themselves a topic of conversation, and you made me go hmmmmmmm. I hope reading my reaction will in turn make YOU go hmmmmm so you can never do that bullshit again LOL.
Now I will be the first to admit that I am a text junkie. I have had all-day textasations with people, and it could be for any number of reasons: maybe Im at work and texting is easier to do while still doing my job, or maybe just to spare my anytime minutes. Whatever the reason, there is no doubt that texting has totally come in handy on several occasions.
But you know what, one main reason texting is so great is the same as why it's the damn devil: its a lot easier to say certain things via a text message than it is to speak it out of your mouth. People do things via text message that they dont have the heart (read: balls LOL) to do in person and some of that shit is just unacceptable - like breaking up. Are you fucken serious? I wish a dude would try to break up with me via text message LOL. It would not be a good day for him LOL. Thats no better than breaking up with somebody on their answering machine. Get some damn balls!
I thought that was as bad as it got until today when I realized that it does, indeed, get worse. I got an out-of-the-blue text from somebody I really just reconnected with recently online. At first it was "hey, how you doing?" and other insignificant chit chat, and then it was "so how come I never got the time of day?"
*staring into the camera*
"What?"
He repeated the question.
Now ladies and gentleman, understand where Im coming from - this wasnt a rhetorical question and it wasnt just some lighthearted joke meant to get a giggle outta me and then segue to something else. He was really asking and really wanted an answer. Do you know what thats like? Thats like...... thats like somebody you've had sex with asking you if they were in your top 3. If they werent, you are forced to either lie or be the asshole when you hurt their feelings, when they should have never even asked the question in the first place, because grown people should know if they had to ask, they were not it LOL.
I tried to let the question roll off of me, not wanting to go down that road, but he came right back to it.
"We already discussed that [before]."
"We did?"
"Yes."
"Oh... I still like you - what did you say?"
*staring into the camera*
My guess would have been that whatever the reason was had either not changed or wasn't what he wanted to hear the FIRST time, otherwise we may have ventured to travel that path upon the emergence of the topic, no? I guess he didnt think about that so I was left center stage with the mic in my hand - again. I basically told him, in a more concise way, the same thing I told him before - different places, different paths, yada, yada, yada, but Im still thinking to myself, why would you wanna ask somebody that via text message? Am I the only person who feels like that's kind of cowardly? Let me back up, cause my initial irritation came at the fact that this was his first time hitting my cell in almost a year and this was one of the first things he chose to get into, but following closely behind was how do you even expect a woman to take you seriously when you cant even CALL to speak to her about how you supposedly feel? I cant respect your inquiry. Would you say yes to a man who texted you a marriage proposal? LOL Unless he is off in Afghanistan fighting for freedom or some shit like that, you better not LOL. Would you accept a texted apology for something that really hurt you? I wouldnt.
Now dont get me wrong, there are exceptions and acceptions to everything, but certain things just should not be discussed via text message. Be a grown ass man or woman and SPEAK to people sometimes and stop taking the easy way out. Me and homey just aint built for each other IMO, so it wouldnt have affected the outcome of the situation, but at least I would have taken his interest seriously as opposed to sitting here feeling like I just got called in from recess.....
I should go on to say that dude is cool, we've always been cool, so if he is reading this, he should not take any of this as a personal dig - its just the behavior that needs to be reassessed. My blog is about my life experiences and as such, anybody I interact with could potentially find themselves a topic of conversation, and you made me go hmmmmmmm. I hope reading my reaction will in turn make YOU go hmmmmm so you can never do that bullshit again LOL.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Running on Fumes
So I didnt make it back here over the weekend, but it wasnt because there was nothing to write about - I was just exhausted. Even at this moment, I am finding it hard to believe I am not somewhere passed out, waiting for morning. I gotta be running on fumes right now, because my energy tank is definitely on E.
I wanted to call in so bad this morning, but I had some appointments and too much to do, so I couldnt. Made it through the day just fine, but somewhere around four, I knew it was time for me to go because people started getting on my damn nerves. Out of the blue too. Thats how you know you need to go lock yourself in a room for a little while, so thats exactly what I did when I got home. bad enough my boss decided to pop into town, unannounced. He did his rounds around 4:30 and saw that two out of our four-person team were already gone and I was on my way. He had some slick shit to say, but I work through lunch damn near every day, I produce every month, and Im consistent, on top of the fact that I even came in in the first place when everything in me told me to stay my ass home, so he really couldnt tell me nothing. He let it go, but I imiagine we will all get some kind of email tomorrow commenting on the hours we keep. Im just gonna act like he's not talking to me LOL. Talk to THEM MF's who aint pulling their weight. Shit.
Anyway, I dropped off the last of the sleepover boys around 6pm yesterday, and came back to the realization that my house was a complete disaster and I didnt have the energy to do anything about it. I knew I shouldnt have let my son con me into letting his last two friends stay all day. By six, I was no more good. I retired to the bedroom with a glass of cran-cardi and didnt move another muscle, with the exception of making dinner. I spent the rest of the night emailing with a homey of mine and watching the Oscars, and managed to stay up til the end. That being said, congratulations to Monique on her win for best supporting actress. To be honest, I am kinda surprised that she won, but then again, I havent seen Precious yet, nor have I seen the movies the other nominees in that category were in. I hear it was well-deserved though, and I'm gonna Netflix it this week to see for myself.
I was contemplating whether or not to tell my son about his friend having a little crush on me, but I decided not to. I dont want him to get mad at him about it. However, this little boy was a trip. He kept coming upstairs, standing in my doorway, or coming INTO my room and talking to me about nothing. I'd ask if he wanted something, and he would say no and just stand there LOL. Then any time I came out of my room, he followed me around and one time, leaving the kitchen, I caught him checking out my ass when I walked up the stairs! It got to be kind of creepy, to the point that I had to tell him to go outside, or leave my room. He makes me a little nervous for his future girlfriends, but Im trying to chalk it up to him just being eleven.
The reprieve of it all was the weather, I guess. It was beautiful outside yesterday and today was even better. Supposed to be that way for most of the week and I am NOT mad about it LOL. Im so sick of this winter bullshit, I dont know what to do. But as for tonight, Im gonna have a little something to eat and try to relax, hoping to gain a little ground on being 100% before the week is over, without taking any days off from work. Thats not real likely to happen, but hey.... Im keeping hope alive.
I wanted to call in so bad this morning, but I had some appointments and too much to do, so I couldnt. Made it through the day just fine, but somewhere around four, I knew it was time for me to go because people started getting on my damn nerves. Out of the blue too. Thats how you know you need to go lock yourself in a room for a little while, so thats exactly what I did when I got home. bad enough my boss decided to pop into town, unannounced. He did his rounds around 4:30 and saw that two out of our four-person team were already gone and I was on my way. He had some slick shit to say, but I work through lunch damn near every day, I produce every month, and Im consistent, on top of the fact that I even came in in the first place when everything in me told me to stay my ass home, so he really couldnt tell me nothing. He let it go, but I imiagine we will all get some kind of email tomorrow commenting on the hours we keep. Im just gonna act like he's not talking to me LOL. Talk to THEM MF's who aint pulling their weight. Shit.
Anyway, I dropped off the last of the sleepover boys around 6pm yesterday, and came back to the realization that my house was a complete disaster and I didnt have the energy to do anything about it. I knew I shouldnt have let my son con me into letting his last two friends stay all day. By six, I was no more good. I retired to the bedroom with a glass of cran-cardi and didnt move another muscle, with the exception of making dinner. I spent the rest of the night emailing with a homey of mine and watching the Oscars, and managed to stay up til the end. That being said, congratulations to Monique on her win for best supporting actress. To be honest, I am kinda surprised that she won, but then again, I havent seen Precious yet, nor have I seen the movies the other nominees in that category were in. I hear it was well-deserved though, and I'm gonna Netflix it this week to see for myself.
I was contemplating whether or not to tell my son about his friend having a little crush on me, but I decided not to. I dont want him to get mad at him about it. However, this little boy was a trip. He kept coming upstairs, standing in my doorway, or coming INTO my room and talking to me about nothing. I'd ask if he wanted something, and he would say no and just stand there LOL. Then any time I came out of my room, he followed me around and one time, leaving the kitchen, I caught him checking out my ass when I walked up the stairs! It got to be kind of creepy, to the point that I had to tell him to go outside, or leave my room. He makes me a little nervous for his future girlfriends, but Im trying to chalk it up to him just being eleven.
The reprieve of it all was the weather, I guess. It was beautiful outside yesterday and today was even better. Supposed to be that way for most of the week and I am NOT mad about it LOL. Im so sick of this winter bullshit, I dont know what to do. But as for tonight, Im gonna have a little something to eat and try to relax, hoping to gain a little ground on being 100% before the week is over, without taking any days off from work. Thats not real likely to happen, but hey.... Im keeping hope alive.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Jesus Be a Parent at the Door!
These kids are a trip! LOL
First of all, let me start by saying that 12 year olds do NOT know how to party. My son and his best friend were the only ones who were really dancing, then my son's cousin came and wanted to battle the best friend, which was total hilarity. Very entertaining, but her 16 year old giration made me wince for my daughter at that age. For the first time, I was glad she has no rhythm and I hope she never finds any LOL.
After eating, all the kids wanted to do was shoot the dozens. At a party? Where they do that at? LOL My house apparently. But whatever - if thats how the tykes roll these days, have at it. I didnt have to deal with the ex-in-laws after all. Only my kids' aunt and cousin came and stayed (with their kids) and I actually still have a pretty good relationship with both of them, so it wasnt awkward. However, both of my ex's other baby mamas (they totally deserve that title) fronted, so their other sister and brother werent there. Their dad is gonna be pissed when he finds out. One at least had the decency to call and OFFER her lie about why they werent going to make it LOL. The other one I had to call and inquire about, and she just didnt put any thought into her excuse LOL. Fuck em. I did my part.
My son's other friend - the one who told me he thinks Im beautiful - had apparently managed to botch the address and phone number he gave to his guardian when I picked him up. Still trying to figure out why there are TWO cars in their driveway, both at least appearing to be functional, and I gotta pick him up, but whatever. She took a cab to my house and made him go home, saying she had called and some little girl answered the phone, telling her there was nobody of the names she was asking for present, and no adults. She then called back and got the same thing. I said, "well what number did you dial?" She couldnt remember it, but alluded to it being the one on the invitation - my cell phone. I then asked what number she called from and checked my call log for it - not there. I said, "Ok, well your number isnt in my registry anywhere, so I think you may have misdialed it." She goes "But then I called it right back and got the same thing."
*staring into the camera*
I imagine you would. If you had the wrong number to begin with, its gonna be wrong every time LOL.
"I even called back the number he called me from, from the caller ID."
Yes, that's my son's cell phone. You JUST called back that number, which is how you got him on the phone for the right address to be standing here right now. Whatever. She took him home, then called back 20 minutes later to say she really didnt wanna take him from the party. She just wanted to talk to him, but she panicked when she couldnt track him down. Understandable, but what is it that you want? LOL She wanted to know if I could go get him and bring him back to the party.
*___*
No. LOL
I get the whole panic thing, but you shoulda thought about that while you were cursing him out in my driveway, ordering him into the cab. You obviously made a mistake - or he did, in giving you the number - and you found him safe and in good company. Furthermore, I got a house full of boys and while my sister is here, Im not gonna ask her to sub in for me, so I can go back to your house and pick shorty up AGAIN. No. However, if you can make arrangements for him to get here, he is welcome. Five minutes later, he was getting out of a cab..... at 10:00.... *smh*
My sister left around eleven and my daughter crashed around then, so it was just me and the sonic boom coming from my living room. I had to yell down a few times for them to quiet down, but other than that, it wasnt too bad. I Facebooked to pass the time, and talked to one of my homies on the phone for about an hour before I decided it was safe for me to retire.
I started getting the boys up and moving around eight, because I knew one dad was coming at nine. After he left, there is a knock on my bedroom door - its the kid with the crush. "Good morning. I'm gonna go take my shower now."
*staring into the camera*
"Ok." Definitely need to take my son with me when I take him home this time LOL.
So one kid down, two more to go, then two to take home before I get my life back. I definitely feel like I deserve a jumbo shrimp tray.
First of all, let me start by saying that 12 year olds do NOT know how to party. My son and his best friend were the only ones who were really dancing, then my son's cousin came and wanted to battle the best friend, which was total hilarity. Very entertaining, but her 16 year old giration made me wince for my daughter at that age. For the first time, I was glad she has no rhythm and I hope she never finds any LOL.
After eating, all the kids wanted to do was shoot the dozens. At a party? Where they do that at? LOL My house apparently. But whatever - if thats how the tykes roll these days, have at it. I didnt have to deal with the ex-in-laws after all. Only my kids' aunt and cousin came and stayed (with their kids) and I actually still have a pretty good relationship with both of them, so it wasnt awkward. However, both of my ex's other baby mamas (they totally deserve that title) fronted, so their other sister and brother werent there. Their dad is gonna be pissed when he finds out. One at least had the decency to call and OFFER her lie about why they werent going to make it LOL. The other one I had to call and inquire about, and she just didnt put any thought into her excuse LOL. Fuck em. I did my part.
My son's other friend - the one who told me he thinks Im beautiful - had apparently managed to botch the address and phone number he gave to his guardian when I picked him up. Still trying to figure out why there are TWO cars in their driveway, both at least appearing to be functional, and I gotta pick him up, but whatever. She took a cab to my house and made him go home, saying she had called and some little girl answered the phone, telling her there was nobody of the names she was asking for present, and no adults. She then called back and got the same thing. I said, "well what number did you dial?" She couldnt remember it, but alluded to it being the one on the invitation - my cell phone. I then asked what number she called from and checked my call log for it - not there. I said, "Ok, well your number isnt in my registry anywhere, so I think you may have misdialed it." She goes "But then I called it right back and got the same thing."
*staring into the camera*
I imagine you would. If you had the wrong number to begin with, its gonna be wrong every time LOL.
"I even called back the number he called me from, from the caller ID."
Yes, that's my son's cell phone. You JUST called back that number, which is how you got him on the phone for the right address to be standing here right now. Whatever. She took him home, then called back 20 minutes later to say she really didnt wanna take him from the party. She just wanted to talk to him, but she panicked when she couldnt track him down. Understandable, but what is it that you want? LOL She wanted to know if I could go get him and bring him back to the party.
*___*
No. LOL
I get the whole panic thing, but you shoulda thought about that while you were cursing him out in my driveway, ordering him into the cab. You obviously made a mistake - or he did, in giving you the number - and you found him safe and in good company. Furthermore, I got a house full of boys and while my sister is here, Im not gonna ask her to sub in for me, so I can go back to your house and pick shorty up AGAIN. No. However, if you can make arrangements for him to get here, he is welcome. Five minutes later, he was getting out of a cab..... at 10:00.... *smh*
My sister left around eleven and my daughter crashed around then, so it was just me and the sonic boom coming from my living room. I had to yell down a few times for them to quiet down, but other than that, it wasnt too bad. I Facebooked to pass the time, and talked to one of my homies on the phone for about an hour before I decided it was safe for me to retire.
I started getting the boys up and moving around eight, because I knew one dad was coming at nine. After he left, there is a knock on my bedroom door - its the kid with the crush. "Good morning. I'm gonna go take my shower now."
*staring into the camera*
"Ok." Definitely need to take my son with me when I take him home this time LOL.
So one kid down, two more to go, then two to take home before I get my life back. I definitely feel like I deserve a jumbo shrimp tray.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I Just Need a Minute
Im hoping not to be passed out for the rest of the weekend. Its only 12:30 and Im already exhausted.
I spent the last 2 hours at Walmart, buying stuff for my son's birthday party at 5, and he was supposed to be home starting to clean downstairs. I come home and it dont look no different than it did when I left, but the phone is on the couch. Oh you wanna be phone mackin while Im out running errands for YOU, but when the house aint looking like it should look come 5:00, you gonna be looking at me crazy, like Im the one who sat here watching "Kicking and Screaming" all morning.
I spent $75 on chicken and snacks and cake, but I figured it was worth another twenty to stop at the liquor store, because I can tell already that this is gonna be a doozy. Not only am I gonna have a house full of grown ass kids that I gotta keep an eye on, but I gotta deal with the ex-in-laws too... I went ahead anc copped a box of wine along with the Bacardi.
I got a feeling I'll be back here later....
*sigh*
I spent the last 2 hours at Walmart, buying stuff for my son's birthday party at 5, and he was supposed to be home starting to clean downstairs. I come home and it dont look no different than it did when I left, but the phone is on the couch. Oh you wanna be phone mackin while Im out running errands for YOU, but when the house aint looking like it should look come 5:00, you gonna be looking at me crazy, like Im the one who sat here watching "Kicking and Screaming" all morning.
I spent $75 on chicken and snacks and cake, but I figured it was worth another twenty to stop at the liquor store, because I can tell already that this is gonna be a doozy. Not only am I gonna have a house full of grown ass kids that I gotta keep an eye on, but I gotta deal with the ex-in-laws too... I went ahead anc copped a box of wine along with the Bacardi.
I got a feeling I'll be back here later....
*sigh*
Friday, March 5, 2010
Happy Birthday to My Baby Boy
So happy birthday to my baby boy, who's 12 today. We were supposed to head out to the movies tonight, but he has a bit of a headache, so he decided to wait and do it on Sunday, after his sleepover is done. Probably them salty, sugary ass cupcakes my mom took to his school. I told her not to do it.
Such a funny thing when RSVP on an invitation is not understood by 12 year olds that a parent is meant to make the call. Some of these kids have no clue what to say to such an extent that when you ask who they are, they all pause to think about it LOL. "Its not a trick question, baby, what is your name?" LOL
One kid my son has been in school with since the beginning called while I was driving home, and I ended up talking to his mom, who I have grown friendly with over the years. Seems she is in the same position I was in a few months back - in the house all the time, even when the kids were gone, totally disinterested in anything that took any effort. I have obviously come outta my funk (and drowning, I might add LOL) but she is still in the slump, at the door every day, hitting on the mailman LOL. Thats a damn shame.
So aside from taking my daughter to girl scouts, we'll likely be home tonight, watching some horrible movie he chooses, and eating salmon, which he will no doubt beg for me to make him for dinner. Im just hoping all the parents are on time picking up their bad ass sons on Sunday, so I can have a few hours of peace for myself this weekend, before its back to work on Monday. Still gotta do that condom demo too.
*sigh*
#FML
Such a funny thing when RSVP on an invitation is not understood by 12 year olds that a parent is meant to make the call. Some of these kids have no clue what to say to such an extent that when you ask who they are, they all pause to think about it LOL. "Its not a trick question, baby, what is your name?" LOL
One kid my son has been in school with since the beginning called while I was driving home, and I ended up talking to his mom, who I have grown friendly with over the years. Seems she is in the same position I was in a few months back - in the house all the time, even when the kids were gone, totally disinterested in anything that took any effort. I have obviously come outta my funk (and drowning, I might add LOL) but she is still in the slump, at the door every day, hitting on the mailman LOL. Thats a damn shame.
So aside from taking my daughter to girl scouts, we'll likely be home tonight, watching some horrible movie he chooses, and eating salmon, which he will no doubt beg for me to make him for dinner. Im just hoping all the parents are on time picking up their bad ass sons on Sunday, so I can have a few hours of peace for myself this weekend, before its back to work on Monday. Still gotta do that condom demo too.
*sigh*
#FML
Thursday, March 4, 2010
He's such a brat sometimes....LOL
People are always talking about teenage girls and how dramatic they are, but Im here to tell you boys are divas too. My son is about 33 seconds away from me strangling him today - one second for every hour of gotdamn labor! LOL
His birthday is tomorrow so he's making all kinds of demands like we the damn Huxtables or some shit - aint no lawyers or obstetricians up in here. Who he think got the kinda bread for an IPOD Touch, a laptop AND a blackberry? He's only turning 12, his berries will be just as black with his Samsung Beat LOL. He can "Touch" that all damn day LOL. Oh and a white suit....... where the fuck you gon wear a white suit to? LOL
We are gonna have a party like he wants though, so of course, he wants to be all dipped and decked. We went to get his hair cut and he had an attitude because he doesnt like to get it cut low, but HE dont pay the $9 it costs, so I told his barber to take it down a little lower. He pouted all the way home - ask me if I care. But we have had this beef before, so his barber felt sympathetic and decided he would only charge him $5, so he could get the cut he wants and we can just come a little more often, without spending more.
Sweet huh? Hell no LOL. That is the biggest crock of bullshit Ive heard all week LOL. Game. Mmhmm, I know what that was about, but I will save that for another blog LOL.
So the latest attitude of the day is that Im still making him go to school tomorrow. Since when does a birthday mean you can play hooky? If my birthday wasnt on a holiday, I would have to go to work, so why the hell shouldnt he have to go to school? He has been to school ever birthday up til now, and he will be in school every birthday coming. Boy done bumped his head.
If he is this much of a mess at 12, I can only imagine the 16th and 18th birthdays. You know how all the comics talk about beating their kids before they leave the house just IN CASE they wanna lose their minds while they're out? Yeah well I might have to punch him in the chest one good time to set the standard for later LOL....
His birthday is tomorrow so he's making all kinds of demands like we the damn Huxtables or some shit - aint no lawyers or obstetricians up in here. Who he think got the kinda bread for an IPOD Touch, a laptop AND a blackberry? He's only turning 12, his berries will be just as black with his Samsung Beat LOL. He can "Touch" that all damn day LOL. Oh and a white suit....... where the fuck you gon wear a white suit to? LOL
We are gonna have a party like he wants though, so of course, he wants to be all dipped and decked. We went to get his hair cut and he had an attitude because he doesnt like to get it cut low, but HE dont pay the $9 it costs, so I told his barber to take it down a little lower. He pouted all the way home - ask me if I care. But we have had this beef before, so his barber felt sympathetic and decided he would only charge him $5, so he could get the cut he wants and we can just come a little more often, without spending more.
Sweet huh? Hell no LOL. That is the biggest crock of bullshit Ive heard all week LOL. Game. Mmhmm, I know what that was about, but I will save that for another blog LOL.
So the latest attitude of the day is that Im still making him go to school tomorrow. Since when does a birthday mean you can play hooky? If my birthday wasnt on a holiday, I would have to go to work, so why the hell shouldnt he have to go to school? He has been to school ever birthday up til now, and he will be in school every birthday coming. Boy done bumped his head.
If he is this much of a mess at 12, I can only imagine the 16th and 18th birthdays. You know how all the comics talk about beating their kids before they leave the house just IN CASE they wanna lose their minds while they're out? Yeah well I might have to punch him in the chest one good time to set the standard for later LOL....
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
I know, I know
I been MIA for a couple days, but I be busy sometimes. A lot has been going on too, I'm just not sure if its something I need to be tellin yall about LMAO! Suffice it to say that my life has gone from 0 to 60 in like 2.3 seconds and I'm trying to keep up. Work is busy. Home is busy. Everything is just busy.
But can I just vent real quick about the idiots on Facebook? LOL
Dude, if you become aware of virus-laden links being sent from your account to all your friends, all it takes is ONE reply to state that it's not you sending them. If your whole list is on the email, the whole list will get your message. Dont keep sending the message over and over again, further compounding the junk mail you're slinging into people's inboxes. Say it once and then change your damn password! Maybe I'm smarter than I give myself credit for, but that part would almost seem like common sense, LOL. Idiot.
Likewise, people, nobody sends you 147 youtube links LOL. Nobody. Ever LOL. So if you get that, something should tell you that person has been hacked. Why you replying to the link messages, WITH EVERYBODY ON IT LOL, "please stop sending me these links?"
*staring into the camera*
Seriously? LOL Dude, get your life together LOL. He's already an idiot and you're an idiot too, making him an even bigger idiot, cause now he can't follow the "one reply that it's not you" rule and has to respond to you and the other 13 people who didnt get the memo, cause they're all idiots too LOL. If he aint aware of it yet, he will be soon. Just delete them shits and keep it moving.
I swear. You'd think I'd just cancel my Facebook account right? LOL
Shut up LOL.
But can I just vent real quick about the idiots on Facebook? LOL
Dude, if you become aware of virus-laden links being sent from your account to all your friends, all it takes is ONE reply to state that it's not you sending them. If your whole list is on the email, the whole list will get your message. Dont keep sending the message over and over again, further compounding the junk mail you're slinging into people's inboxes. Say it once and then change your damn password! Maybe I'm smarter than I give myself credit for, but that part would almost seem like common sense, LOL. Idiot.
Likewise, people, nobody sends you 147 youtube links LOL. Nobody. Ever LOL. So if you get that, something should tell you that person has been hacked. Why you replying to the link messages, WITH EVERYBODY ON IT LOL, "please stop sending me these links?"
*staring into the camera*
Seriously? LOL Dude, get your life together LOL. He's already an idiot and you're an idiot too, making him an even bigger idiot, cause now he can't follow the "one reply that it's not you" rule and has to respond to you and the other 13 people who didnt get the memo, cause they're all idiots too LOL. If he aint aware of it yet, he will be soon. Just delete them shits and keep it moving.
I swear. You'd think I'd just cancel my Facebook account right? LOL
Shut up LOL.
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