Back To School

A funny thing happened on the way to the bathroom....

My phone rang and it was some guy from some university bank - a place that researches the best schools for you to apply to, based on your field of interest. I didnt know why the hell he was calling me, but apparently, in the process of trying to apply for a job online, I inadvertently hit something that sent my information to him.

I had been going back and forth in my mind about getting my Master's, and even started on a path of pursuing it a little over a year ago. Unfortunately, the bougie institution I applied to didnt accept me and I just said fuck it. I still intended to do it, I just was in no rush.

I entertained the guy and he came up with four universities that would allow me to study online. I received calls from all of those places, each of three admissions people being totally disregarding of my inability to spend a damn hour and a half on the phone without warning. I became really annoyed with them and it turned me off from their programs, but only one course of study really attracted me anyway - a Master of Psychology, with a concentration in Criminology and Justice Studies - which was only offered by the fourth university. She hadnt called me yet.

When she finally did, she was very pleasant and knowledgeable and she didnt sweat me about staying on the phone with her. She simply honored my request to just send me the info, for perusal on my own time, and I ended up calling her back a half hour later.

We went through tons of shit later that day and at the end of it, I was filling out the application, authorizing release of my undergrad transcripts and faxing off the signed paperwork. Today, Im approved for financial aid and officially enrolled as a graduate student. I dont know how that happened, with no intent at all, but hey, I'll take it.

One of my favorite posters from my basketball days said, "Somewhere, someone is practicing, and when you meet her in head to head competition, she will beat you." I dont know why that has always stuck in my head, but its definitely true for more than basketball. CLEARLY NYC is a very competitive market and my experience, extensive as it may be, just hasnt seemed to cut it. Maybe this is something I need to even the playing field. Hell, I might even be able to borrow enough aid to pay my rent LOL. I guess we'll see.

I chalk this up to fate. I was surely not thinking about school, and wasnt gonna make time to sit down and research schools and all that. It absolutely had to happen just the way that it did.

All in all, it was a solid decision and Im glad about it. Sometimes the cosmos have to force your hand. Lord knows I have been so preoccupied with job hunting and stuff, I wasnt even thinking about any other recourse. Once I knock this Master's out, the Doctorate wont be far behind. Im bout to be Doctor Dig for real! Holla!

He'd Be 53 Today

Im watching all things Michael today and just thought I'd post some of my favorite, lesser-seen shots of my baby, MJ. I had some really great ones on my old laptop but I cant find the disk they're on. When I come across it, I'll revisit, but these are pretty cool too. Hopefully the censors let me live LOL.....

awwww......

I love this one.

Michael says, "Prince who?" LOL

Really love the "feel" of this one.

*sniff, sniff*

Happy birthday, Michael.

Sibling Rivalries

I was gonna blog about the VMAs but Im over it LOL.

After the show, my daughter came and told me that my son curses and that he said he hates her. Apparently she went through his phone and read some text messages where he swore, and heard a voice recording he made one day when he was mad at something she did. I told her I was the only one allowed to go through phones, and of course, he got mad, thinking I had gone through it too. I havent touched his phone since we've been in Jersey, but yes, I have looked through it before and I make no apologies for it. One, its MY phone. He's just using it. As long as I pay the bill, I will go through the muthafucka whenever I choose. Two, I respect his privacy to some extent, so I wont just go through it all willy nilly, but if something seems amiss, then yes, I reserve the right.

I think he was okay after he spent twenty minutes stewing in the bathroom and then we sat and talked, but my daughter came in the room and apologized, on her own, and he basically ignored her. I MADE him get up and hug her, because she started crying, saying that she doesnt like when he is mad at her, and it was like pulling teeth. Last I checked she was lying in bed, looking sad, like she'd cry herself to sleep. I hate this part of parenthood. I need him not to become the man that leaves broken pieces behind for somebody else to clean up, the way I'll have to do tomorrow with her, and I need her not to be the broken pieces, accepting of just anybody's glue. Right now, he is the man in her life, and the way he treats her will have a huge impact on her expectations later. I dont like it, but thats just the way it is.

Preteens can be so mean to their younger siblings sometimes. I dont know how to make him see that he has to take care with her feelings because she looks up to him and is only on his nerves because she wants to be a part of his life. My boyfriend said if he really got the message I delivered, he'd do the right thing when I wasnt looking. I hope he's right cause I've got a pain in my chest right now that wont let me sleep....

*sigh*

Irene Schmirene

#wackness

The news got me all worked up for nothing. The rain we got last night was all we got. Even the winds werent any worse than usual. We didnt lose power or anything either, and looking from my terrace door, as far as my eyes can see, no trees are down and there is no other visible damage. #godsglory

That being said, some areas in NYC and South Jersey did lose power and get some pretty bad flooding. Transit is still suspended too, so I may end up having to reschedule my interview in the morning. We are still being told to stay in the house, due to the possibility of falling branches and stuff, but other than that, we're cool.

Irene has officially been downgraded to a tropical storm, so the other areas it passes through from here on out should suffer minimally, which is always a good thing. The storm had been losing steam ever since it hit the mainland. I know Katrina was in the back of everyone's minds when they were encouraging evacuation and preparation for days of aftermath, but part of me has to wonder if the real motivation was boosting the local economy - send people in droves to clear off supermarket shelves and buy out the gas and chunk up the toll booths.

#hmmmm

Hurricane Irene's A-coming

So I live in North Jersey and Hurricane Irene is slated to hit here some time after midnight, the worst being around 4-8am. My satellite keeps going in and out and my wifi is following suit, but I am going to attempt to keep everyone updated via my phone, in the event that the internet decides it is no longer my friend, so long as T-Mobile cooperates.

As it stands right now, its raining, but there arent any harsh winds or anything along with it. I am expecting that will change in the next two or three hours, but I also expect to be sleeping at that time LOL. Fuck Irene, a bitch needs her rest. If I still have power upon waking in the morning (God willing) I will update again as to whether or not we still have windows LOL.

I love yall, pray for us, and God speed.

Can I Live?

Let me start off by saying that I acknowledge that I am not the only person in the world with problems and things going on. However, my concern at times when I have important things to deal with are MY problems. While I can understand another person's having issues, I cannot be expected to put my own, much more critical issues aside to make yours my focus. I accept the blame in creating that environment with most of the regular offenders - setting my own things aside to "ear" them through theirs - but when the magnitude of my own shit is clearly critical, its really just selfish to expect you burning the chicken to be my priority. Deal with it. Order pizza. WTF are you calling me for?

If you have ever been out of a job, for any reason, and spent any amount of time looking for another one, think about how stressful it was. Now tack on today's economy, a place as competitive as NYC, and the ramifications of my having to move back upstate, and you MIGHT have an idea of the level of stress I am dealing with. In most cases, its got nothing to do with you in particular, I just dont feel like talking. I have no patience for trivial shit right now, and I dont want to chit chat or small talk either. Anything you could possibly want to know about my situation and how things are going are all right here. Thats why I blog about it cause I dont wanna fucken talk LOL.

If you have known me for any significant matter of time, you know this is what I do - I retreat to my corner, I deal with my situation and when its resolved, I'll be back on the main line, next to Jesus. Until then, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, LOL. I love you, but I dont wanna talk to [most of] you. I've never really been much the phone girl to begin with, but especially right now, I dont wanna answer a hunid questions, and I dont wanna hear about the bullshit in your life, that nine times out of ten, you've brought on yourself. You gotta tell me something that actually pertains to ME then fine, Im online all day when Im not out interviewing - shoot me an email. If you call, expect to leave it on my voicemail, because while on rare occasion, I may take the call, or return one, by and large, I just dont wanna be bothered. As much time as I've spent being there for other people, it should be okay that I take time out to do what I need to do for me, dont you think? I mean for once - FOR ONCE - can some shit not be about you and your fucken burnt chicken?

Gawd. *rolling my eyes*


Disclaimer: "Burnt chicken" is a metaphor. No foul or creatures of any kind were injured in the making of this blog.

How Many Of Us Have Them?

Friendship really is a delicate thing, but when its done right, it can come into play at the time when you really need it most.

I had a conversation with a friend tonight that was long overdue and I think we both found that we have become the friends we've always needed, even though, at times, we didnt want to acknowledge it. In a space where other relationships are not living up to our expectations, we have been able to find security in each other, and I am grateful for that.

I pray resolution for the broken relationships out there that should be bigger than trivial things that get in the way, but I also pray solace for those relationships that cannot be repaired. Only you can determine which is which, but the same way you should not remain in a romantic relationship where you are not getting what you need, friendship needs to be a two-way street as well. I hope you all keep this in mind as you observe the differences between friends and acquaintances, and never settle for less from anyone than what you, yourself, are willing to give.

Love ya - bye!

In Memoriam

Nick Ashford, veteran singer and songwriter best remembered alongside his wife and duet partner, Valerie Simpson [Ashford & Simpson], died last night after a long battle with throat cancer. He was 70.

Today is also the tenth anniversary of the death of one of my boys, Alonzo Person. I'd like to take this time to remember him as well. RIP "Zo." #goodtimes

And in my perusal of the local upstate newspaper this morning, I was made aware of another death I hadnt known about. A lady I worked closely with and befriended a few years ago died of cancer last month, at 52. She was pretty popular on the local jazz circuit, and I remember how she was so in love with this one crystal piece I sold her, back when I was doing Partylite. *smile* RIP Janet.

Resurrecting Dig

I had to take a break from the writing because it was starting to be all I wanted to do and my next job aint just gonna find itself. The laundry also aint gonna do itself, the house aint gonna clean itself, and although the midgets are perfectly capable, they dont like to feed themselves either LOL. I mean, I literally had not done my hair in a month - even for the interviews I had gone on, I rocked the same simple tucked in ponytail, just brushed and made neat, for the sake of presentation. My eyebrows were in serious need of attention, and let's not even talk about what my feet are looking like right now, deprived of its pedicure for all that time. Suffice it to say I took care of those eyebrows, handled the hair situation and I still skipped the pedi, not being able to justify it financially, but dammit, I looked like a new woman the next day.

I cant blame it all on the writing, I've been stressed out too, obviously. I mean even Aunt Flo was scared to come around LOL. Her ass decided to make this one a 40 day cycle. 40 DAYS! Ironic. Dont most of the people in the bible take their journeys for 40 days? LOL Anyway, she finally made it and Im already ready for her ass to move along.

Water retention aside, I've lost a few pounds too. Wish I could call it progress, but the truth of the matter is, I really just havent been eating very much. Not consciously, I've just been distracted. I've always had a little bit of a problem eating at home though. I've always done most of my eating at the office or while I was out and about. At home, I get too comfortable doing other shit and just forget, until my ribs start scraping against each other, at which point, I just get up and grab something. I almost passed out on my way to an interview one day last week, not realizing I hadnt eaten anything in that whole 24 hours prior. On the average day - like right now - I'll have some eggs in the morning, but nothing else all day. On a good day, I'll tear off a piece of the chicken or fish I made the kids for dinner, or if I made them something red, I might have a small serving of some rice or whatever the vegetable was. But thats on a good day, and there havent been many of those. I made a promise to do better though, so I'm trying to.

Most of my calories have come from cranberry juice. You know - CRANBERRY JUICE LOL. But I'm gonna step away from that for a minute too, if I can. I say "if I can" because having a nip seems to be the only way I can sleep these days. Its been like that since a couple years ago when that guy got shot up a couple houses over, with me and my kids sitting at the front window. My nerves were so bad, I didnt sit in my living room at night for a couple weeks and when I did, I'd be slumped down on the couch so my head wouldnt be window level. Crazy huh? Well I eventually got over it, but sleep was never quite the same. I've taken drinking hiatuses a few different times and found myself up all night, but my liver is gonna be filing a grievance any day now if I dont give it a break. My kidneys are already in the waiting area LOL.

Just found out I didnt get the job I wanted most out of all the ones I went in for. Im not sure why either - I thought it went exceptionally well. Maybe they didnt like my neatly brushed, tucked in ponytail.

*shrugs*

Judge Not

You know what I cant stand? When you answer somebody's question about something regarding YOU, and they act like they dont believe you, because the answer makes them feel inferior.

I went to meet with this lady at a staffing agency last week, and she hooked me up with her homegirl who did direct hire stuff. We're sitting there, chopping it up about what I'd like to be doing and all that kinda shit, and she's reviewing the form I was asked to fill out when I got there.

One of the questions was what was I making at my last job. She saw my response and crossed it out and asked me the question herself. I told her the same thing I put on the paper. She looked at me like bitch, please, and started grilling me about it. Im like look, lady, I have no reason to sit here and lie to you, and went on to break down my income, right down to the exact amount I was paid every week. Dont you know this bitch had the nerve to pull out a calculator and do the math? Right there in front of me, she took the figure I gave her and divided it into 52 weeks. Then she's like, "you're right.... $X/wk."

Are you fuckin serious? Of course, Im fuckin right, you dont think I know how much I was getting paid? Why I gotta be lying cause its more than what your judgement assessed me at? Fuckin ass. She lucky I aint tell her about her damn self, especially after having the nerve to actually pick up the phone and take a call while we were meeting, and talk to some lady for almost fifteen minutes, while I sat there, not even attempting to hide my disgust at her lack of professionalism. She lucky I really needed her assistance, cause that woulda been the one time I would have shown my black ass up in somebody's shit.

I had almost forgotten about that completely until she called me this morning, about an interview she had set up for me. "These people are really big on first impressions, you've got to go in very professional, like in a really nice business suit - do you have nice business suit?"

Bitch what? LOL What you think, Ima go to an interview in an adidas warm up and some shell toes? LOL This chick is really in the wrong business if she cant talk to people without coming off so ignorant and condescending. And my appearance is always professional. Grade A. I come to play when I go into a business meeting, right down to the removal of the jewelry I never take off. There was nothing about me that day that should have given her any indication otherwise, including the college degrees and steady work history she was holding in her hand, while she sat there and played me for a hoodrat.

Thank God for Jesus, thank God for Jesus! LOL

Exerpt

So here is a short exerpt from the book I just finished. It's tentatively entitled "Game", but we'll see. Here, the main character is thinking about a dude she saw at a high school basketball tournament, and goes on to explain a little bit about her connection to the sport and her relationship with her best friend. Dont get it twisted though, this story is not about hooping LOL

Hope ya like it!

*************************************************



"It had been three days since I was at the War Memorial, and I was still thinking about Jason Carter. I had watched the news footage of the game as many times as they showed it, trying to drink him in as much as I could before they moved on to covering the collegiate games, reducing him to a memory left to slowly fade from my mind. I really wish I had been paying more attention at the game. The reels the news played showed Jason driving to the basket in one play, shooting from the elbow in another, and breaking some dude’s ankles in a third. Dude’s crossover is NASTY! I was so turned on.

See, I was a hooper too, and nothing turned me on more than a dude with game. Despite our lack of interest at the arena, both Kim and I had a great appreciation for it. We both played at our respective schools, and she had plans to one day try out for the WNBA. Everybody expected her to, too. The day I met her at my grandmother’s house was just one of many days her Uncle Preston had taken her out to the courts at the beach to play with the older girls. When he found out I liked to play, he started taking me too.

We were both very good, but had very different games. I was a natural shooter, while Kim was all handle. She’d broken a few ankles in the hood by the time we were freshman in high school, while I had no problem shooting a nigga’s eyes out. They talked a lotta shit, but they respected our games, and none of them ever thought twice about picking one of us up on their teams, when they ran outside the rec center. That’s how most dudes knew us, even when we didn’t really know them – pretty girls that hooped got much play. Several times, I’d be somewhere and some random dude would come up to me like, “yo, aint your name Lynn?” I would look at them like who the fuck are you? and they would tell me they saw me hooping somewhere. That would usually be followed by “you don’t got me though” or some other stupid shit like that, which always annoyed the hell outta me.

Me and Kim had to join a CYO team just so we could play together. We were a pretty lethal combination, but going to different schools didn’t allow us to be that during the regular season, so we just went to each other’s games, when our schedules didn’t conflict, and practiced together at home. We were both going to the WNBA’s basketball camp that summer. Uncle Pres and my aunt broke up, after some woman started playing on her phone and saying she was pregnant by him, but he was still like an uncle to me, and came to most of my games, so me and Kim always told people we were cousins and that basketball ran in the family. The difference was, Kim lived and breathed it. I loved the game, but I knew I didn’t love it like she did. She worked hard for it. I was just kinda naturally gifted – in everything really. She pretended to envy that about me, but I envied her drive and focus. For as many things as I was good at, I’d never hone in on just one and take it to the top. Still, I thought I would hoop forever, and I believed that right up to the day I gave it up."


exerpt from "Game"
(c)2011

Mornin Yall

Mornin yall.... Let me start out by wishing a very happy birthday to one of my very best homies, Jasmine. I hope you get everything you want today.... within reason, cause I know how you do! LMAO! Just kidding, love you girl!

So in totally tearing apart the first book, I came up with a different direction to take it in and now Im on fire again. Would totally not be surprised if I finished it this weekend. IDK if I already said this, but I have decided that the book I just wrote would be released first. Going with the gameplan for the new plot of the "first" book, I'll have to write a third book, which would be released second, and then the "first" book would be released last.

I hate not having a job but Im loving the focus it has given me to get this done. Its something I've been sitting on for way too long. Judging from what I've read, I did the first book seven years ago. That's just terrible. SMH

But Im on a roll now. I'm really appreciating the way its flowing, because there have been so many times I did try to sit down and work on stuff and I just couldnt get anything to gel. Writer's block is a bitch. But I'll spend most of the day at the revisions so I can clear a path to start work on the second release. DAMMIT! I forgot to post an exerpt. Sorry, I was too caught up in the tweaking, but Ima look at it right now and put something up.

Be right back....

I Need To Stop Touchin Shit

So.... I've completely dismantled the first book LMAO! Proof positive that I have way too much fuckin time on my hands.

I intended to revamp, yes, but the more I read through it, the more I ended up changing how I said something or WHAT I said, and I know its just because I wrote that book like seven years ago and Im in a different place in my skill level now, just like Im in a different place in my life. But also, I didnt write that book with the intention of it being part of a series, it was really just a standalone work. Now that I am connecting it to another piece, characters need changing, background noise needs changing, relationships need changing... its turning out to be a lot more work than I planned. I dont mind it, I just feel like Im writing it all over again, which was totally not my intention.

But for the art, we do what we must do. (I tried to sound all Shakespearean right there....... no?...... ok LOL)

So anyway, thats been my experience with it. I didnt forget I was supposed to put up a little exerpt, I just havent had the chance go through it and find a good section to post. But I will. I'll try to do it a little later today. Right now, I got a few prime search hours left in the day, and since I havent looked for a damn thing yet this morning, I need to get on the good foot.

Yall enjoy your Friday, and I'll holla in a minute.

I Finished My Book!

Im so excited! Who but me is gonna write a book in like two weeks? Stress is awesome! LOL

Now I have to go back to the first book and do all the adjustments I wanted to do. Once thats done, I can better decide the order in which I want them released, and I can start researching publishers. Matter of fact, I can start looking into that now. I'm gonna squeeze that into my job search today.

Maybe later I'll post an exerpt.

Woo! I feel like I just got out of an ice-cold shower! If I didnt have to save every penny I had, I'd be going to buy myself something today. Maybe treating myself to a crableg or lobster dinner. Ima put it on the list of things to do when I get back on my feet though. For now, I'll reward myself by only doing a half day of job hunting and spend the other half.... well not doing nothing, cause I cant even walk right now LOL.

Literally, I cant.

I can put absolutely no weight on this ankle, and I have no clue why. I know that on Tuesday I was in the city all day interviewing and I was wearing these slides that are really comfortable, but they arent completely flat. They have like an inch-thick wedge sole, and I got em from the Naturals store, so its a soft sole. Ok, so maybe I do have a clue LOL, but I was fine while I was in them and even fine when I took them off that night. I woke up yesterday morning feeling a little discomfort, which kind of came and went at first. By mid-day, it had gotten worse, and by the time I started dinner, I literally couldn't get from one place in my house to another without holding a wall. By bed time, I was crawling from my bed to the bathroom and back. *smh*

Its weird. Its not swollen and it doesnt hurt when Im just sitting, unless I make the mistake of sitting on it, which I also did last night LOL. It only hurts when I try to move it around, or put any pressure on it. Clearly it was the shoes - Im guessing soft soles are not my friend. The problems I have with this ankle, I should probably never wear a shoe without a solid, firm foundation. #lessonlearned

Anyway, Im hoping its fine again in a few days. Gonna pop a couple motrin and get on this job search. As a note, I think I have decided to pay another month of bills, to give myself more time for something to happen. I already knew two weeks was a pretty aggressive deadline, but in this economy, its also unfair. I've gotta give myself a legitimate shot - ample time to let things flow through. Its the only way I can really say I gave it my all.

So with that, off to the world wibe web I go. Yall take it easy out there. I'll holla...

That Bullshit

Woo, chile! Today tested my patience, my sanity, my religion.... shit, only thing it didnt test was my damn blood sugar LOL. *smh*

Got the washer machine hose coming out of the wall, water spilling out all over my damn finished hardwoods...

Then the damn Comcast fool came out and set up my internet and somehow managed to disconnect my Direct TV, only I been writing all day, so I hadnt turned it on and didnt know. The midgets come home telling me none of the TV's are working, talkin bout "you aint pay the bill?" LMAO! Why it gotta be cause I aint pay the bill though? LOL See, thats that bullshit.

Then I call Comcast and they talkin bout they cant come back out til Wednesday. I call Direct Tv and they cant come out til Wednesday either, AND they gonna charge me $49 cause Comcast fucked it up. Dude gonna tell me "oh I see you dont have the package, so we're gonna have to assess the fee." Well why dont I have the damn package, Akhmed? I didnt know there was a package, and you still aint offer it to me, so how Ima have it?

Then the devil tried to get me. He tried to get me, yall LOL.

I dont care if you love somebody with every red blood cell God ever gave you, we all have at LEAST one person that we should simply stay away from, ESPECIALLY when we are in a relationship. These are the people that get under our skin and into our blood – those sexy ass, slick talking, bangin body, full lipped, electric muthafuckas that you just cant seem to shake, once they get that hold on you. The only thing that will release you from their grip is time and space. Even if you both have resigned yourselves to being "just friends", one chance encounter can put you right back in the middle of some bullshit. All it takes is for you to run into them at a mall, or a grocery store, and stop to chat for two lousy minutes. That person will be on your mind for the next four muthafucken days. God forbid you got a random phone call - they just wanted to "see how you were doing." Mm hmm. That's that bullshit. Stay your ass away from them. They just tryna pull you back in.

Me, of course, I gots to get the random damn phone call. Now historically, no matter what else I had going on in my life, I get this phone call and I'm all in. "You wanna go to lunch or something?" Yup, LOL. "You wanna go get a drink or something?" Yup, LOL. "I wanna see you." Cool, what's up with right now, I aint doing nothing LMAO!

But yall, when I tell you I got this call today and didnt even flinch, Im talkin bout "aight, well I gotta mop up this water, so....." LOL. Thats when you know you got something good - when that muthafucka you use to never be able to say no to might as well be a bill collector calling your phone LOL. If you dont have somebody in your life and youre able to do that, that means you've grown the fuck up. Either way, it's awesome, but Ima need not to have no more fucken surprises tonight cause my damn TV dont work and I cannot be held responsible if I blow a fuse up in this bitch, Im just sayin.

Shit.

Mikmirah........

.... my apologies to you. I tried to respond to your comment but BLOGGER is being an asshole and wont let me. Thank you, I really appreciate that.