You want me to do what, now?

Woo, Lawd, the NERVE on this nigga LOL.... smh.

So New Year's weekend, I'm on Facebook and I see a post from a guy I know stating that he had just totaled his car. He's posted pics which clearly show he is lucky to be alive, let alone not injured in any way, and he's asking for any friends he has in the area who can lend some assistance to do so. "The area" in question happens to be about an hour away from me but while I did somewhat grow up with this guy, we haven't had so much as a Facebook conversation in like 4 years and it was probably another 4 before that. Clearly he's got friends closer than me who will offer to assist.

So I'm watching the thread and everybody's happy he's safe but nobody's offering to help the guy. Like I said, me and homie are not active participants in each other's lives at all but in the end it started to annoy me that people who I KNOW were in a better position to help him just sat on their hands while this nigga stranded in the freezing cold and snow. So I hit him up like yo.... I dont even know how much help this is since I don't have a car and can't come get you but I am only an hour away so if you can manage to get here, I can at least offer you a place to crash for the night and you can figure out your next move. He says he's got a carload of shit because he was relocating and asked if it would be okay to keep it at my house until he can come back to get it. I have the space - sure, that's fine. Long story and $160 cab ride later, he lands on my couch, then hops a flight out to Orlando the next day, taking as much as he could carry. He says he'll be back in a couple weeks for the rest. Cool.

He's texting me from the airport about a letter he left in his jacket. Apparently his baby mama gave it to him before he left and he wasnt supposed to read it until he got to Florida. How cute. *RME* Now had he asked me to grab it and read it to him, I'd have been cool. I mean, I dont know the broad, what's it to me? But of course, he dont want me to get it and read it to him, he wants me to mail it to him. Um... okay. I agreed to mail it just like he agreed to text me the address when he got there. That didnt happen for another 2 days, so since it wasnt a priority to him, it wasnt a priority to me. He waited like a week to ask if I ever mailed it and of course by then, I had totally forgotten about the damn letter. How about I just put it back in your pocket and you can just read the shit when you come back? Pretty sure it doesn't contain the key of life.

"A couple weeks" came this past Wednesday when he showed up with his friend to collect the rest of his belongings. It was a quick and painless process despite the 6pm arrival actually being 10pm. We hadn't had a ton of contact outside of him rescheduling the pick up 3 times but I still felt relieved to have closed that loop once his stuff was gone. Hugs. Thanks. Deuces.

This morning I get a text. I swear to God, I could not make this up:

"So I was thinking, so you dont have or need a car, dont you want to help me out and put a car in your name for me? :)"

*staring into the camera*

No. Not even a little bit. I said as much. The NERVE on this nigga, LOL.

What kinda hoodbooger shit is that to.......... sigh. Ok, yeah, I pimped out the couch for a night and played POD to your shit for 3 weeks but that's a small thing, my nigga. Put a car in my name? Like... a whole car? LOL Just the magnitude of that shit has me on chuckle right now, like YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU cannot be serious LOL. And he asked that shit like he was asking for some gum, like it was really no big deal! Un-fucken-believable, people are. And now that I think about it, I remember him saying to his homeboy something about now he just gotta get a car and then commenting something about needing to get somebody to put it in their name, but I didn't think anything of it. I know a nigga wasn't expecting ME to be like "Oh, I'll do it for you." What? LOL I don't have a car because no, I don't really need one, but holla - I DONT EVEN HAVE A CAR but Ima put one in my name for YOU so you can fuck up my ability to get one if I should so choose? You aint even my man! Hell, we aint even fuckin! LMAOOOOOOOOOOO! I mean at least be able to check ONE of them damn boxes before you position your lips to get knocked clean off your face! The nerve! Oh, I cant. I. CANNOT. That shit feels straight disrespectful right now LMAO!

Where my glass at..... SMH